As I lay on the examination table during my six-week postpartum appointment with my third baby, my midwife casually commented on my noticeably larger breasts. “Wow, those are impressive! How do you even reach the steering wheel with those?” I couldn’t help but burst into tears. It wasn’t her remarks that got to me; it was the realization that this was the first moment of solitude I had experienced since my youngest arrived. I had been eagerly anticipating this appointment, but now I felt a deep sadness wash over me.
I was so overwhelmed that I was looking forward to a breast exam from the very person who had just witnessed my delivery. Just the idea of lying on that table, alone, was my idea of relaxation. My midwife quickly picked up on my emotional state. “You’re in the thick of it. It’s tough, I know. But trust me, it will get better.”
Part of me wanted to shake her and demand, “When? When will it get better?” But I held back, fearing her answer would be something like, “You’ll have to wait 18 years.” I didn’t want to hear that, so I nodded, left the office, and treated myself to a large cup of coffee—my first in six long weeks. And oh, was it worth it.
That was nearly a decade ago, and I’ve since learned to care a little less about the small stuff. If you’re in a similar situation, take it from me: things do improve. You’ll improve. If you’ve cried during a breast exam, feeling overwhelmed and defeated, know that you’re not alone. Afterward, treat yourself to something nice. If you’re feeling unappreciated, resentful, and snapping at everyone around you, that might linger for a while, but trust me, it gets better because you’ll get better at navigating this wild journey known as parenting.
Moms everywhere are stretched thin, regardless of the number of children we have or whether we work outside the home or stay at home. We all feel overwhelmed at times. One of the best things I did was to lower my expectations and let go of worrying about every little detail.
It’s perfectly okay to be late sometimes. If your kids resist getting dressed, let them stay in their pajamas. Don’t hesitate to ask for help. Whether it’s seeking a prescription for anxiety or asking a friend to watch your kids while you run errands, prioritize your well-being. You deserve to feel healthy and whole; don’t sacrifice that because you didn’t expect to feel this way.
If you don’t prepare dinner every night, your family will survive. If you leave that enormous mess your kids made while you took a shower, nobody will even notice. If you can’t find the energy to shower for days, it won’t matter. And if caffeine is what you need to get through those endless rounds of Candy Land and the barrage of questions, then indulge yourself.
It’s easy to lose perspective when you’re giving it your all, feeling exhausted, and running on empty. Sometimes, all you can do is allow yourself to step away and deal with it later. Say “no” more often, schedule less, and enjoy the freedom that comes with those choices. It’s liberating, and you might just find yourself wanting to dance around the room.
During those times when you feel completely maxed out, do whatever you need to do to get through. Some days will be tougher than others, but you’ll learn to cope better, and you’ll realize that chaos is simply part of the parenting experience. When your children are grown, it won’t matter if the laundry was folded or if they had hot dogs for dinner multiple nights in a row.
What truly counts is that you took care of yourself during those challenging periods so you could be present for your family. Remember, motherhood isn’t a competition, even if it can feel that way when you’re feeling stretched too thin. We’ve all been there, so reach out to a friend, ask for assistance, and don’t hesitate to order takeout if you need a break. Things will get better, I promise.
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Summary
Parenting can be overwhelming, especially during those early months after a baby arrives. It’s essential to remember that while challenges may feel insurmountable, things will improve over time. Lowering expectations, asking for help, and taking care of yourself are all crucial steps in navigating the chaos. Embrace the journey, and don’t forget to treat yourself along the way.