Do well-behaved kids still require rules and boundaries? You might be wondering what exactly defines a “good” kid. For me, it’s all about my daughter’s history. How often does she tell the truth? Has she gotten into any trouble at school? How does she act around her friends? And have I caught her doing anything she knows is off-limits?
Aside from a couple of minor lies she admitted to after some questioning, I’d say my daughter, who just turned 14 last month, has been “good” by my standards. But as any parent knows, the teenage years can be unpredictable, so I’m bracing myself for challenges ahead.
While I’m truly grateful for her good behavior, I still have to establish a way to assess it. Kids can’t break rules that don’t exist. So how can I really gauge her behavior if I haven’t set any limits? That’s why I consistently create boundaries, even though she seems to be doing well. These boundaries are more like expectations, which help me determine whether she’s truly being good.
Take, for instance, last summer when I allowed her to visit Wonderland—a popular amusement park near Toronto—with her friends. Initially, I was a bundle of nerves, waiting in line with her before watching her enter the park with her friends. However, this decision came with clear stipulations, the most crucial being that she needed to meet me outside at 7 p.m. She has a cellphone, so I figured she’d keep track of time.
The first outing went smoothly, and I felt good about my parenting choices (you can roll your eyes here). But during her second visit, she kept me waiting for 30 minutes without a text or call to explain her tardiness. When she finally emerged, I took a deep breath to calm myself before speaking to her in front of her friends. After dropping them off, I informed her that she had lost a privilege.
I didn’t revoke her Wonderland trip, but one of her friends was throwing a party that she desperately wanted to attend the following week. Guess who didn’t leave her room that entire day? Yup, her.
She was furious with me for a few days and tried every tactic—crying, saying how much she hated me, and even negotiating. But I stood firm. Rules exist for a reason, and breaking them has consequences, even if the punishment feels harsh.
Looking back, it would have been simple to overlook her lateness; she had a decent reason for it. However, as she isn’t a troublemaker, I have fewer chances to discipline her. Therefore, when these moments do arise, I feel the need to enforce stronger consequences to ensure the lesson resonates.
And it seems to be working; at least, I hope so—because let’s face it, as parents, we’re all just figuring things out as we go along. I always strive to express my expectations clearly, and ultimately, it’s up to her to meet them. My hope is that as she matures, she will establish her own standards, incorporating the lessons I’ve shared along the way.
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Summary
In parenting, setting boundaries is crucial, even for well-behaved children. This approach helps gauge their behavior and teach responsibility. Consequences for breaking rules reinforce the importance of expectations, allowing children to grow into self-regulating individuals.