My oldest son, Ethan, has been vocal lately, expressing his frustration that I seem to impose stricter rules on him than his younger brother, Noah. He points out that when Noah slips up, I often give him a pass or offer more warnings. I seem to overlook his mischief more frequently. And honestly, he’s correct. I tend to be more easygoing and lenient with Noah, while Ethan faces the consequences more often. He gets sent to his room, loses privileges, and shoulders a greater share of my frustration during their squabbles.
But there’s a reason behind my tougher approach with Ethan. For starters, he’s older. At 7 and 10 years old, their age difference is becoming less significant, and they often behave in similar ways. However, since Ethan is three years older, I expect him to act with a greater level of maturity. I believe he should know better than to use inappropriate language in public, manage his emotions, and focus on his homework for a short period each evening.
Is it realistic to have higher expectations for my oldest child? Perhaps yes, perhaps no, but it’s the reality I have to navigate. My goal isn’t just to prevent bad behavior; I want my children to grow into kind, compassionate individuals. To achieve that, I set fairly high standards for their conduct. Yet, I’ve also learned through experience what issues deserve a firm response and which ones I can let slide. Kids do indeed have their fair share of silly moments!
Another reason I hold Ethan to a higher standard is that he serves as a role model. Without realizing it, Ethan has the power to influence those around him, especially Noah. His dynamic personality draws others in, and Noah often mimics his actions. When Ethan is composed, the atmosphere is calm. Conversely, when he gets carried away, it can feel like a wild party in our home. By guiding Ethan’s behavior, I can often positively impact Noah’s actions too—two lessons for the price of one!
This doesn’t imply that I love Ethan any less or that I have favorites. On the contrary, parenting involves recognizing that each child is unique and has different needs, strengths, and weaknesses. We must adapt our parenting styles accordingly. Sometimes that means being more stringent with one child, as perceived by them.
As the eldest sibling myself, I understand how it feels to be held to higher standards and faced with stricter rules. But I also recognize the reasoning behind it. My parents often joke about how I should have been compensated for my role as their experimental child! They were simply doing their best with what they knew at that time, just as I am trying to do now.
One day, Ethan will likely have children of his own, and he’ll come to see that my decisions were rooted in love.
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Summary
In my parenting, I adopt a firmer approach with my oldest son, Ethan, due to his age and the example he sets for his younger brother, Noah. While I sometimes feel torn between expectations and practicality, I recognize that each child is unique and requires tailored guidance. Ultimately, my intent is to foster kindness and compassion in both of my children, all stemming from a place of love.