Before my child visits a new friend’s house for a playdate, there’s a critical question I always pose: “Do you have any firearms?” I typically send this inquiry via email, sometimes resorting to a hastily crafted text, nestled between two paragraphs about the kids, school, or what’s cooking in the crockpot. Then, in a moment of awkwardness, I throw in the question: “Do you own a gun? And if yes, is it stored securely?”
I didn’t grow up around guns, but my partner, Alex, did, thanks to his father’s career as a police officer. I’ve learned that not all gun owners prioritize safety the same way. Though the Second Amendment grants the right to bear arms, it still feels a bit bold to ask about it. I find myself crafting and recrafting the wording of my email, trying to balance my concern with respect for their choices.
Just the other day, one of my kids went to play at the home of a teacher from their school. “Do you have any guns?” I asked, and I could almost picture the teacher chuckling at my directness. Another time, my child visited the home of a police officer, which allowed me to lighten the mood a bit by saying, “I ask this all the time! Haha!”
In our household, we don’t allow toy guns—except for a quirky remote control zombie robot their grandmother gifted them, you know how mothers-in-law can be! When the kids wonder why they can’t have Nerf guns or water blasters, I explain my stance: I don’t think guns should be playthings. They’re primarily designed for harm, which complicates the conversation about their use even by responsible adults.
I acknowledge that some people may need firearms for hunting or professions like law enforcement and the military. Yet, I firmly believe guns are inappropriate for children. I explain that pretend weapons aren’t necessary for imaginative play. “But what about our pretend fireman hats and knight swords?” they ask. I counter, “No one has ever used a fire hose or sword to harm a classroom full of children.” That generally wraps up the discussion, leading to a mutual understanding.
A new friend recently shared how funny she found my gun safety inquiry. Having recently moved from England, she noted how foreign it felt to her—a stark contrast to Britain, where most police officers don’t carry firearms. She even shared my email with friends back home as a way to show she was fitting in with her “normal” American pals. Similarly, a Canadian friend remarked on the peculiar American obsession with guns, but they both understood my concerns.
No one has ever hesitated to respond to my question. Even gun owners often resonate with the notion that kids and firearms simply don’t mix. If someone were reluctant to answer, I’d likely suggest a neutral location for a playdate, like a sunny playground, where we can keep an eye on things.
Interestingly, I’ve never had a parent ask me about any potential risks in my home or what activities their child might engage in during our time together (typically, it involves chasing each other, snacking on wild raspberries, and possibly grappling with ticks). I believe in granting my children the freedom to explore and learn from nature, whether that means climbing trees or encountering the occasional bee sting. I know I can’t shield them from every danger.
Of course, there are other questions I could raise, like inquiries about any unsafe items in their home or the type of media the kids will be exposed to. But perhaps the topic of gun safety serves as an effective icebreaker for discussing the myriad ways we must protect our children’s well-being.
So, when I drop my kids off, I’ll casually say: “I’ll be back in two hours. No allergies, here’s some sunscreen and a loaf of banana bread. And by the way, do you have any guns at home? If so, are they stored safely?”
Because as a mom, I’ve drawn my line here.
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In summary, asking about guns before playdates is a vital part of ensuring my children’s safety. While it may seem like an odd question to some, it opens up a bigger conversation about the myriad ways we can prioritize our children’s well-being.