Growing up in a small southern town, I was immersed in a culture where spanking was the norm. As a child, I learned quickly that misbehaving could lead to a painful consequence, and I vividly recall those few times I found myself in trouble. The dread of walking to my room, stuffing washcloths into my pajamas, and pleading for mercy is something I can still feel in my gut.
It wasn’t until I became a mother that I truly reflected on the impact those experiences had on me. On my first night home from the hospital with my baby boy, I sat in a rocking chair, holding him as he slept peacefully against my chest. In that moment, a wave of protectiveness washed over me, and I whispered, “Mommy will never hurt you, I promise.”
However, fast forward three years, and I found myself spanking my son for the first time. It was an instinctive reaction to a dangerous situation, grabbing his arm and swatting his bottom. The look on his face—confusion, anger, and betrayal—haunted me. I justified my actions, believing that tough love was essential. After all, I had heard the expression “this hurts me more than it hurts you,” and somehow convinced myself it was true.
Unfortunately, spanking didn’t improve my son’s behavior. Instead, it escalated. One day, he hit his younger sister, and I was devastated. In response, I raised my voice, “We do NOT hit in this family!” But he retorted, “But Mommy, you hit me!”
His words struck a chord, leading me to question the logic of my actions. That evening, my husband and I had a heartfelt conversation. Raised in similar households, we had unknowingly continued the cycle of physical punishment without a solid plan for discipline. Through our discussion, we realized that neither of us felt right about spanking; we even considered it abusive.
We spent the night researching the effects of various disciplinary methods and discovered that the scientific consensus was clear: spanking is harmful and ineffective. Studies indicate that physical punishment can lead to increased aggression and mental health issues in children. It was hard to accept that our well-intentioned actions had potentially harmed our child.
That night, I came across a quote that resonated deeply: “If the child is old enough to understand reason, reason with them. If not, they’re not ready to understand why you’re spanking them.” It hit me hard—hitting my child never made sense, even if it was how I was raised.
Determined to break the cycle, I tiptoed into my son’s room that night and kissed his forehead. He looked so peaceful, still resembling that cherubic baby I once cradled. I whispered, “I promise you, son. Mommy will never lay a hand on you again.” And this time, I meant it.
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Summary
In this reflective piece, the author shares a personal journey from using spanking as a disciplinary method to realizing its harmful effects on children. Through a series of experiences with her son, she learns the importance of non-violent approaches to parenting and commits to breaking the cycle of physical punishment. Research supports her decision, highlighting the negative consequences of spanking on child behavior and mental health.