I was just 14 when I first attempted to take my own life. It wasn’t my initial experience with self-harm, but it was the first time I truly understood what I was doing. My first encounter with such dark thoughts occurred when I was only 8. I struggled with chronic insomnia, and my mother, like many parents would, eventually felt defeated in her attempts to help me sleep. No amount of warm milk or soothing music worked. On those restless nights, she would tuck me into the couch away from my sleeping sister, giving me a book and a small glass of peach schnapps with instructions to “sip it slowly” before heading back to bed.
At that young age, I had no idea I was battling depression, and consequently, neither did my parents. I often came home from school in tears, but I was otherwise perceived as a happy child. My sleeplessness made me feel miserable and exhausted, leading me to a dark conclusion: perhaps sleep was akin to death. One night, overwhelmed by these feelings, I took a large kitchen knife and pressed it against my chest, contemplating the act for what felt like an eternity before ultimately putting it away. I was terrified of the pain, and thankfully, my natural aversion to hurt saved me.
Now that I’m a parent, I find myself facing the same fears I had as a child. The thought of not being aware of what my kids might be feeling is daunting. It wasn’t until I was around 12 or 13 that I learned the term for the emotions I was grappling with. By then, the signs I had been showing were so deeply ingrained in my behavior that they became almost unrecognizable. Was I simply an introverted bookworm, or was I withdrawing due to my mental state?
I don’t blame my parents for missing those signs. Depression has a way of convincing you to mask your struggles.
Identifying the Issues
But how can parents identify these issues? The shocking reality is that children as young as 8 years old have taken their own lives. Suicide is the second leading cause of death for kids aged 10 to 18.
So, how do we approach this topic? Reflecting on my own childhood, I wish my parents had engaged me in conversations about mental health. It would have made a significant difference if they had explained that it’s perfectly okay to talk about mental illness, that it’s not anyone’s fault when the brain gets sick, and that help is available.
When I eventually began therapy, it felt as if we had all silently agreed not to speak about the reasons behind it. I ended up lying to my therapist, as my depression urged me to conceal the truth. I wish my parents had shared their own experiences with therapy or provided me with books about kids who sought help long before I needed it myself. I wanted them to reassure me that having negative thoughts didn’t make me a monster; discussing them could help me process those feelings.
Having the Conversations
As my children approach the age I was when I first encountered depression, I strive to have these conversations, even though it’s challenging. It’s difficult to convey that I have an invisible illness I manage daily or to explain our family history of mental health issues, but I do it because the thought of losing a child is far more painful.
Regardless of your own mental health history, it’s crucial to talk to your kids. Encourage them to express feelings like sadness, boredom, or frustration, and let them know that if those feelings become overwhelming, they can seek help. They should never feel ashamed of their emotions.
Depression is a leading cause of disability worldwide, and it’s vital to recognize its reality. Make sure your children understand the importance of asking for help from you or a trusted adult. Familiarize yourself with the warning signs of depression and suicide, and engage in these conversations proactively. Most importantly, listen to what they have to say.
Be a Voice in the Fight Against Suicide
You have the power to be a voice in the fight against suicide. September 5 to 11 is National Suicide Prevention Week, and you can find more resources at the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, seeking help is paramount.
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Summary
Addressing mental health and suicide with children is critical. Parents should create an open dialogue about emotions, encourage seeking help, and recognize the signs of depression. Conversations about mental health can help destigmatize feelings and ultimately save lives.