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It’s Not Important If Our Kids Are ‘Gifted’
As a parent, I’ve come to realize that it doesn’t really matter if our children are labeled as “gifted.” Take my son, Max, for instance. From a young age, he was always curious, preferring to listen to stories rather than run around like other toddlers. Now at 3, he can effortlessly explain the difference between various dinosaur eras and has strong opinions about the ocean’s creatures. And yes, he also prefers to run around without pants most of the time—typical behavior for his age!
Naturally, I think he’s brilliant—don’t all parents view their children as exceptional? Others have chimed in, suggesting he might be “advanced,” and I find myself feeling a bit uneasy about that label. Here’s the truth: Whether he is or isn’t truly gifted doesn’t really change much in the grand scheme of things.
That’s right. Take a deep breath; I’m saying it’s irrelevant if my child is labeled as “gifted.” It’s equally unimportant for your kids, too.
Many of us can recall the days in school when students were categorized into “gifted” and “regular” classes. Those deemed as special were thought to be at risk of boredom in standard classes, creating a divide between the “successful” and the “average.” But looking back as adults, we often find that those labels don’t necessarily hold up. Whether someone was in the gifted program or not, they may now be leading similar lives. Some may have become innovators, while others are still figuring things out. Ultimately, those childhood distinctions don’t predict future success.
Research has even shown that students in gifted programs often perform similarly to their peers who didn’t qualify. Despite the resources and focus put into separating these “gifted” students, the results often don’t reflect a significant advantage.
Let’s say I do consider Max to be “gifted” – what does that mean for his future? Will he still need to prepare for exams in high school? Will he have to read the same classic literature? If he doesn’t get into a prestigious university, should I send a complaint letter highlighting his early knowledge of dinosaurs?
Then there’s my daughter, Mia, who just turned 1. Right now, she’s more interested in exploring dog food and attempting to climb into the toilet than reciting the alphabet. Gifted or not, she’s just a baby!
It seems unfair to treat one child differently than the other based on any perceived notion of intelligence. My husband and I want to ensure both Max and Mia receive the same opportunities and encouragement. If one dreams of attending an Ivy League school, we’ll support that dream wholeheartedly. If the other aspires to be a sign-spinner outside a furniture store, we’ll help them excel at it too.
The National Association for Gifted Children advocates for tailored learning opportunities based on each child’s abilities and learning styles. But shouldn’t this approach apply to all children? Whether a child has developmental delays or is getting bored in class, it’s essential for parents and teachers to collaborate and ensure every child thrives academically. There are many pathways for all students to find success, given the right opportunities.
I genuinely believe that hard work is a more crucial factor than raw intelligence, and that’s what we’ll emphasize with our kids. Instead of saying, “You’re so smart,” I’ll focus on acknowledging their effort: “You worked really hard on that!” After all, intelligence can be largely a matter of circumstance, so shouldn’t we celebrate the accomplishments that come from effort instead?
I often hear parents sharing their toddlers’ achievements while others worry about their kids falling behind. To both groups, I say with empathy: it really doesn’t matter. Your attentiveness shows you care deeply, and as dedicated parents, you’ll provide your children with plenty of opportunities for success.
Ultimately, every child has unique gifts and talents, and that’s what makes them special. Rather than labeling some as “gifted,” let’s celebrate the distinctive qualities that each child brings to the table. For more insights on parenting and the journey of insemination, you can check out this related post.
In summary, while labels like “gifted” may carry weight in childhood, they don’t define a child’s future. Encouragement, hard work, and recognizing individual strengths are what truly matter in raising happy, successful children.