Sep. 12, 2023
Every woman experiences her period differently, and each month can bring new surprises. However, I think I can capture the essence of what many women feel during that time of the month.
Day 0
Oh no, if my partner even glances at my stash of mint chocolate truffles, I might just lose it! Wait, did I remember to get ice cream? I suddenly crave ice cream, and potato chips—no, I mean salt and vinegar chips, or maybe barbecue. Actually, can I just have everything? I deserve it! Oh look at that adorable puppy on TV! Why is Sarah McLachlan’s song playing? No, not that song! I’m going to cry! We definitely need a dog. Where are my tissues? And antacids! I feel so bloated. A nap sounds heavenly, but if my partner tries to cuddle, I might just snap.
Day 1
Well, hello again, old friend. Why must you stain my favorite underwear today? You couldn’t wait for laundry day, could you? No, you had to ruin my new cute and sexy undies! Now I’m stuck thinking about laundry and stains. Thanks a lot, you crimson menace. But hey, at least my cravings from last night make sense now. I want cheeseburgers.
Day 2
Oh, the cramps! These bad boys just keep getting worse. I need aspirin—like, a ton of it—and maybe a heating pad. Or a new uterus could work too! Why is it so hard to find a comfortable position? Why is one part of my body causing this much chaos? I need a Lifetime movie, some soup, and a hug from my mom.
Day 3
Whoever suggested that exercise helps alleviate cramps can take a hike! Every jump and stretch just reminds me of the blood leaving my body. Yes, I know it’s natural, but it’s still gross! Everything is gross. Why is life so unfair?
Day 4
Okay, things are looking up. I might be almost done! I can ditch the postpartum pads and consider wearing jeans again. I even washed my hair today! I feel like a new person. Still, I won’t be telling my partner that things are improving; they still need to believe I’m dealing with a major situation down there. Maybe I’ll just say it’s an extended monthly visit. But then they might suggest a doctor’s visit… which could mean a break from the kids!
Day 5
Finally, just a panty liner! Bye-bye, Aunt Flo! Just one more day and I’m free! Time to break out the cute underwear again because this girl is back in action! I wish I could retrieve the hair I lost to my pad yesterday. Who knew a pad could double as a waxing strip? But whatever, I’m on the home stretch!
Day 6
Waking up to a clean, blood-free area is pure bliss! Bring on the thongs and white pants, just to spite my uterus!
Day 7
Wait, what? I thought it was over! I guess this pair is going in the trash…
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Summary
In this lighthearted reflection on the ups and downs of menstruation, we follow the journey of a woman experiencing the emotional and physical rollercoaster of her period. From cravings and cramps to moments of relief and frustration, the narrative captures the essence of what many women feel during this time. With humor and honesty, it reminds us that while every experience is unique, there are common threads that connect us all.