Seriously, we need to cut it out. Fathers can genuinely handle parenting responsibilities. Sure, if you’re a stay-at-home mom, you spend more time with the kids than he does, making you aware of which child dislikes peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and which one can’t get enough of them. But knowing these details is just the icing on the cake; it doesn’t define the core of parenting. Your partner is fully capable of caring for his children without your constant oversight.
He can dress them, brush their teeth, and get them ready to go. Remember that photo circulating of a dad styling his daughter’s hair into a ponytail? It’s impressive only because it was captured on camera. Fathers do their daughters’ hair all the time! They don’t just brush it and add accessories; they wash it too. They can handle the shampoo-condition-detangle process without breaking a sweat. It’s mind-blowing for some to realize, but it’s true.
And let’s not forget, he can whip up more than just cereal for dinner. Your partner is certainly capable of making sandwiches, scrambled eggs, pasta, and a side of veggies. He can also reheat meals you’ve prepared earlier. When given guidance, he can cook as well as you do. Stop worrying that your kids will go hungry when you leave him in charge. His cooking skills are not confined to the grill, so please stop defaulting to PB&Js when he’s on duty. He can manage just fine.
When you leave him with the kids, he is not merely “babysitting.” The term “babysitting” implies he rarely looks after them and is doing it for pay. It’s not a “Daddy Day” or a “Mommy’s Spa Day” — it’s just parenting. He’s a father taking care of his children in his own way. Referring to him as a babysitter undermines your family dynamic.
Dads can also tackle traditionally feminine errands with kids in tow. For instance, they can go grocery shopping without causing chaos or buying the wrong items. It’s unnecessary for bystanders to commend him for simply pushing a cart with children. I don’t get praised for pushing a cart with three kids at Target, so why should he? The expectation should be that he can do this without applause.
I understand he might not do things exactly as you would. For instance, my partner sometimes mismatches our kids’ clothes, putting the 4T shirt on the youngest and the 3T on the two-year-old. I used to get worked up over these errors, but then I realized he doesn’t typically sort the laundry — I do that since I’m at home with the kids. Wearing slightly ill-fitting clothes isn’t a big deal, and it’s something anyone can easily overlook.
He may also have a different approach to discipline. His threshold for noise, mess, and chaos might be higher than yours. When you return home to a playroom that looks like a tornado hit it, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. He might not notice the mess because it doesn’t bother him the way it bothers you. You’re the one who cleans it up and is likely hyper-aware of it.
After you both tuck the kids in for the night — he can manage a bedtime story, by the way — he can certainly help you tidy up. No, he won’t know that the goggles belong in the pink basket and the Star Wars figures should be separate from the dinosaurs. That’s okay; he usually isn’t the one doing the clean-up. But if you think about it, these details really aren’t that crucial. Allow him to do things in his own way and resist the urge to rearrange everything afterward. It’s disrespectful and can make him feel inadequate, which he is not. He’s contributing, so let’s acknowledge that.
Dads aren’t the bumbling fools we often see portrayed on television. They are real parents with genuine parenting skills who can handle everyday tasks like cooking, cleaning, and running errands. Fathers have just as much invested in this parenting journey as mothers do. Let’s stop treating them like they’re clueless — because they’re not, and you deserve to feel supported.
For more insightful discussions on parenting and fertility journeys, check out our other posts at Home Insemination Kit. If you’re exploring options for starting a family, Make a Mom is a great resource for couples on their fertility journey. Additionally, March of Dimes offers excellent support for those considering fertility treatments.
In summary, let’s recognize that dads are fully capable parents who deserve respect and support in their roles. It’s time to stop the stereotypes that depict fathers as incompetent and start valuing their contributions to family life.