Parenting
Hey Kid, Time for a New Sleeping Arrangement! by Jamie Collins
Updated: Sep. 13, 2016
Originally Published: Sep. 13, 2016
My dear, sweet child,
Let’s cut to the chase: You’re driving me to the edge of my sanity.
I understand you’re only 4 and grappling with real fears like the dark, monsters, and the idea of being alone. I get it. Just weeks ago, your dad and I were convinced that a misaligned washing machine was actually a lurking burglar. When he bravely ventured out to confront that imaginary intruder, I had my doubts about his safe return. In that moment, I wished I had a comforting blanket just like you. The dark can be terrifying, and unexplained noises are unnerving.
But let’s be real—those nighttime bumps will haunt you all your life. No one is as fearless as we pretend to be.
That said, we’ve got to work out a new sleeping situation.
To be frank, your grandparents were nothing short of superheroes. They survived raising four children—each with a full set of childhood fears, storms, and midnight cuddles—without losing their cool, which I find truly impressive. I try my best, but no one prepared me for this level of nightly chaos.
I’m not sure where you picked up that starfish sleeping position, but it’s not exactly ideal for fitting three bodies into a queen-size bed. I could tolerate the cramped space if it meant a somewhat peaceful night’s sleep.
Unfortunately, that’s not our reality. No, it appears that starfish-style sleeping means flailing about like you’re caught in an imaginary ocean current. You’ve developed a sixth sense for everything in your vicinity, especially when it comes to me. Dad seems to have some sort of immunity; can someone explain that?
Sometimes it’s a flailing starfish who shows up, and other times it’s just a shadowy figure looming quietly over me until I wake up in a panic. And then, of course, I feel guilty and let you climb into my bed because my terrified scream sends you into tears, claiming I scared you. No matter how you choose to appear, it’s exhausting.
Sweetheart, I love you more than anything. But if I have to peel your sweaty, sticky feet off my face one more time during the night, you might just wake up to a very grumpy mom instead of the loving one you know— and believe me, you don’t want that!
I know I’m not innocent in this situation. Experts say I’ve allowed this behavior to thrive due to my lack of willpower. Guilty as charged, I suppose?
Just remember: I love you dearly. The thought of denying you comfort when you’re genuinely scared feels impossible, even if it comes at the expense of my own comfort. While part of me longs for a peaceful night’s sleep again, I also recognize that these moments won’t last forever.
Sure, I’d love to evict the starfish from my bed. But maybe we could meet halfway with a sleeping bag on the floor? Just a thought. You, my little one, will never have to fear being alone or the dark. You can always find solace in us—until you grow up and the washing machine starts acting up again. Then you’re on your own.
Love,
Grumpy Mommy
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In conclusion, while parenting comes with its challenges, it’s essential to find a balance that ensures both comfort and love for you and your child.