By: Jenna Collins
I’m plus-sized. My daughter is plus-sized. Together, we’re one fabulous mom and one amazing girl, and we’re absolutely fantastic.
But it wasn’t always like this. Before my daughter was born, I found myself wishing, “Please, let me not give birth to a mini version of myself.” But, of course, that didn’t happen.
So here I am, a plus-sized woman determined to be the kind of mom I needed as a kid: someone who doesn’t care what my daughter looks like, how much she weighs, and who won’t push diet trends on her for the sake of others. I wanted to be the mom who combats negativity with an arsenal of body positivity.
Embracing My Body
First, I had to show that being plus-sized isn’t something to be ashamed of. It sounds like a lot of work, but honestly, it was just about being myself—a regular mom who happens to be plus-sized. I embraced my body, walked around confidently, and avoided conversations about weight loss or self-hate with other women. I was like a proud plus-sized influencer when it came to selfies, and that level of self-love is a revolutionary act. I wanted my daughter to see that I valued myself, and each step I took was filled with confidence rather than shame.
Throughout my daughter’s life, I’ve never dieted or discussed dieting around her. My own mother, bless her, has been on one endless diet since the day I was born. I’ve never seen her natural hair color or a wrinkle on her face, and the only thing she seemed to care about was body size.
Growing up, my mother was obsessed with celebrities’ weight fluctuations. “Back to the fat farm!” she’d jokingly say about famous singers. As a girl, I was more curious than worried about this so-called “fat farm.” Did it come with chocolates like a spa, or was it more like a dystopian nightmare? Eventually, I figured it was probably just liposuction.
I know the bar wasn’t set high, but I managed to avoid the dreaded fat farm talk with my daughter—small wins count, right?
Facing the Real World
Everything changed one day when my daughter came home from school as a little second-grader. It’s one thing to model confidence at home, but when your kid steps into the real world, you face hard truths: Do you embrace their size or ignore it? I chose to embrace it.
“Mom, do I have a pregnant belly? A kid said mine looks like I’m going to have a baby,” she asked.
After what felt like an eternity, I replied, “Yes, yes you do. And so do I, and we’re both awesome!” I hoped my years of being a strong, confident woman would show her that my body positivity was real. I wanted her to realize that she could assess my “awesomeness” and decide if I was genuine or just feeding her a line.
Denying my daughter’s belly would have been lying and would leave her vulnerable. The best way to combat cruelty is with a “so what!” attitude, but it has to come from a genuine place of self-acceptance.
Empowering My Daughter
To help my daughter thrive, I needed to validate her body so she could brush off the teasing that could hurt her. I told her, “Your size is power,” and I meant it. She even beat all the kids in arm-wrestling at school, towering over them with her strength.
But let’s not forget about the challenges posed by adults. School nurses can be particularly difficult, with their “good intentions” and needless concerns. Every new school year felt like I had to prepare for battle against weigh-ins, diabetes screenings, and unwarranted “family health fairs.”
Not every nurse meant harm, but I often wished for the school bully instead of the adults who were out of touch. I made sure to note on health forms to never weigh my child—she has a doctor for that. “No, we don’t need health fairs to learn how to cook ‘healthy’ meals, and no, she doesn’t have diabetes.” And I mean it when I say if I get another “BMI letter of shame,” I might just lose my mind. In our house, BMI stands for Bullshit Myth Indicator—there are unhealthy bodies of all sizes.
Now, I may sound like a difficult parent, but so what? I dedicated years to instilling in my child the self-confidence society often tries to take away, and I refuse to let that be undone by mere clipboards.
Looking Ahead
Now, we wait and see if the cycle has been broken. I believe my partner and I have raised a kind-hearted child who cares for others and doesn’t seem to resent her size. I can’t read her heart, but I hope she can openly share her feelings with me, and together we can navigate this journey.
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In summary, embracing body positivity as a parent can set a strong foundation for our children’s self-esteem and acceptance. It’s essential to validate their bodies and empower them to navigate a world that may not always be kind.