A few months back, I found myself frantically shouting at my kids to hurry up so we wouldn’t miss their spring concert. I was determined to snag a good seat, and honestly, the chaos of getting them ready left me feeling frazzled. I was a sweaty ball of nerves, but by the time we arrived at the school, I managed to walk in with a smile, wearing my favorite heels, looking like I had it all together.
Then came the performance. An hour later, I was in tears, watching my daughter sing on that elementary stage for the final time. Some of those tears stemmed from guilt for having yelled at my kids, who looked so adorable in their concert outfits. Why can’t I maintain my composure for them all the time? Why do I often lose it and then feel terrible afterward? Some days, it seems like nothing can ruffle my feathers, while on others, the smallest issue sends me spiraling.
There are days when I instinctively say “no” before even considering what my kids are asking. Afterward, I’ll realize that a “yes” would have been just fine, but I stubbornly stick with my initial reaction. Other days, I’m more flexible, changing my mind and saying “yes” after having previously said “no.” I know it’s not ideal, but sometimes it just feels right.
Some days, I can handle the mess of toys strewn all over the floor with grace. I step on matchbox cars without a second thought, simply enjoying the sight of my children playing together. Other days, however, when they drag out bags of Legos, I find myself saying, “Not today. Keep that mess in your room.” I just don’t have the energy to indulge in their play.
There are days when I whip up a big meal, not caring about their complaints, because the joy I get from cooking outweighs it all. Then there are days when I’m slamming dishes into the dishwasher, feeling frustrated with my kids for not appreciating the healthy meals I’ve prepared.
Sometimes, I argue with my partner in front of the kids, and they witness our emotions—seeing us upset, making up, and occasionally, starting the cycle all over again. Other days, I manage to keep my frustrations bottled up until they’re sound asleep.
Some days, I watch my kids play outside and feel an immense gratitude for my life. Other days, I find myself repeatedly telling them to “just go outside and play.” And there are moments when I feel a pang of longing for them, even after just a short trip to the grocery store. I can’t wait to return home for a big hug. Yet, there are also times when I take longer at the store, not quite ready to face the chaos at home. I might sit in the parking lot, sipping a soda and people-watching, needing just a little more time for myself.
Some days, I’m eager to socialize and plan fun outings with fellow moms. Other days, I crave solitude and prefer to remain in my comfy yoga pants, needing to recharge. Some days, I feel like I’m nailing this motherhood thing, while others leave me feeling like a complete failure, trying hard but struggling to bring my best self.
It’s true that we don’t show up as the same mothers every day. We have our ups and downs, sleepless nights, and moments of sheer excitement that let us overlook the usual chaos. Motherhood is a beautiful mess—unpredictable and sometimes intimidating. I may not follow the parenting advice to the letter, but I’ve come to accept that.
One constant remains: the love we have for our children. It’s unconditional and indescribable. Despite our fluctuating moods and challenges, the love we share with our kids never wavers, and that, for me and my family, is more than enough.
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In summary, motherhood is a journey filled with unpredictable moments, love, and growth. Every day brings new challenges and joys, but the love we share with our children remains a steady light through it all.