As parents, we often find ourselves discussing the topic of judgment—and rightly so. If you glance at any news story involving parents or read the comments on articles about parenting, you’ll quickly see a flurry of judgments flying in all directions. It’s unfortunate, but it’s a reality we face.
However, there are moments when parents feel judged even when that’s not the intention. I’ve noticed that some individuals become defensive simply upon hearing someone express a different opinion. For instance, if one parent shares that they avoid processed foods, another might perceive that as an attack on their choices. Or, when someone gushes about the joy of co-sleeping, parents who prefer separate sleeping arrangements often rush to defend their methods. Even simple comments about bottle feeding can provoke a defensive response from breastfeeding advocates.
I’ve experienced this firsthand in my own parenting journey. When I mention that we’ve chosen to homeschool, some people immediately feel the need to justify their decision to send their kids to public schools. I want to assure you that our choice to educate our children at home has nothing to do with your choices, and I wholeheartedly respect your decision to utilize public schools. Every family has unique circumstances, and diverse choices can be equally valid.
Similarly, when people find out that I breastfed my children longer than the average one year, I often sense defensiveness. I’m not here to preach about my choices; I fully understand why some moms decide to wean earlier or opt not to breastfeed at all. My slow, self-paced weaning process is about what works for my family, not a judgment on yours.
Simply put, my parenting decisions don’t make a statement about your parenting. The methods I choose are based on what my partner and I believe is best for our children. It’s entirely possible for you to select a completely different path and for me to support you without any judgment. As long as your choices don’t harm your kids, I genuinely don’t mind how you choose to parent. I trust that you’re doing what feels right for you.
That said, I’ve noticed that sometimes parents present their choices in ways that can come across as passive-aggressive or judgmental. There’s a fine line between sharing experiences and inadvertently imposing our beliefs on others. It’s crucial to be mindful of how we express our parenting philosophies to ensure we aren’t inadvertently judging others.
Let’s strive to give each other the benefit of the doubt. We should avoid assuming that someone else’s decisions are a reflection of our own choices. There are countless ways to raise happy, healthy children, and we don’t need to worry so much about how others are doing it. Rather than reacting defensively, let’s celebrate the variety of parenting styles that exist. The reality is, most parents are simply trying to do their best with what they have. We’re all navigating the same journey, and negative feelings only complicate the ride. So let’s cheer each other on as we each paddle on our own unique paths.
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In summary, it’s important to recognize that our individual parenting choices are personal and not a reflection of others’. By fostering a supportive community, we can thrive together in our parenting experiences.