Dear Readers,
As the parent of a child with autism, my life is shaped by this journey in ways you might not fully grasp. Autism isn’t just a part of my child’s world; it influences every choice I make, every outing, and even our shopping trips. Please know that I often feel overwhelmed and rarely find a moment of peace to myself.
I want you to understand that I might come off as a distant friend at times. My focus tends to narrow down to the challenges and responsibilities surrounding autism, and I may forget to check in on your life. You might think, “Wow, she’s really self-absorbed,” but I assure you, my loyalty runs deep. If you accept both me and my son into your lives, you’ll find it hard to shake us off. Yet, when I’m caught in a cycle of worry about my child’s well-being, it can be difficult to shift my focus.
Moreover, there are financial strains that come with raising a child with autism. I can empathize with the costs of traditional sports and activities, but I’m often left calculating how to afford necessary therapies like speech therapy. The insurance company may believe 30 sessions is sufficient to address my son’s communication challenges, leaving me feeling guilty and confused about the best path forward.
Please also recognize that I often create solutions for my son because the world doesn’t always cater to his needs. If you offer assistance, I might decline several times before finally accepting. It’s not about mistrust; it’s simply that I’m so accustomed to handling everything myself. I often feel overwhelmed at the thought of explaining our routines and needs to others. Finding babysitters who can care for a child with autism is as rare as finding unicorns, making it even harder for me to let someone else take the reins.
On the home front, my marriage has faced its own set of challenges. Even though I am fortunate to have a supportive partner, our reality has strayed from what we had envisioned. Sleep deprivation has become our norm, with our days beginning at the crack of dawn and romance taking a backseat to exhaustion. When my son experiences anxiety-fueled meltdowns, even trivial disagreements can feel magnified, and I must remind myself that my husband is more than just a co-parent.
Every outing with my son is meticulously planned, resembling a military operation. Spontaneity is a rare luxury. While this structure can ease my son’s anxiety, it can also feel stifling. I often find myself declining invitations to gatherings or casual outings because I have already committed to specific activities that cater to his needs.
Scrolling through social media can sometimes spiral into an emotional experience. I may find myself in tears over a friend’s post featuring their neurotypical child engaging in activities my son might never experience. Moments like seeing kids his age go to school dances evoke a mix of hope and heartbreak, as I guard my heart against disappointment.
What I seek isn’t pity, but understanding. I might appear scattered or overwhelmed, but I can be great company if you’re patient with me. Autism is always present in my life, whether my son is physically with me or not.
Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts and feelings. If you’re interested in more about the journey of home insemination, you can check out our post on intracervical insemination. For those looking to boost fertility, Make a Mom offers valuable insights. Additionally, Women’s Health provides excellent resources for understanding pregnancy and infertility.
In summary, my life as a mother to a child with autism is filled with unique challenges, but it is also a journey of love and resilience. I appreciate your empathy and support as I navigate this path.