By: Jessica Lane
Updated: Dec. 10, 2023
Originally Published: Oct. 2, 2016
There are days when everything feels overwhelming—a mix of exhaustion, self-doubt, and that deep desire to just curl up in bed. Today was one of those days for me. I’ve been battling a nasty cold, the ongoing chaos of current events has been maddening, and my thoughts seemed to be bouncing around uncontrollably. All I wanted was to retreat under the covers and have someone take care of me.
But, as we all know, life doesn’t pause for a sick parent. The world keeps spinning, work continues to pile up, and the chaos refuses to settle. So, as the day wore on, it became clear that I was on the brink of a classic “mom loses her cool” moment. I felt terrible, my partner was stuck at work late, and the babysitter canceled due to her own illness. To top it off, we had nothing for dinner, and time was running out. Everything felt like an uphill battle, and I was convinced I was failing at this whole adulting thing.
Typically, when stress hits or I’m not feeling well, I try to mask it all. I push through—putting on a brave face—but that often leads to meltdowns in the kitchen while cooking dinner, nagging my kids about homework, or repeating myself endlessly about bedtime routines.
But tonight, I decided to do something different. I turned to my kids and said, “Hey, I really need your help. I’m not feeling well, and I know you’d prefer not to go to this meeting with me, but we have no other choice. I just want to go to bed, but I have a lot to get done. All I need from you is to do your homework and try not to bicker. And please, don’t embarrass me at the meeting. Just be kind to each other. I’m really struggling here.”
Surprisingly, they stepped up. Maybe it was because I had let them enjoy their tablets at the meeting or treated them to milkshakes afterward, but they were truly supportive. They didn’t fight (well, not too much) and even helped out when we got home.
They guided me to bed, fetching drinks—water, coffee, juice, and lemonade—while folding laundry and putting it away. I could hear my eldest saying, “Dad, where do mom’s bras go?” and “Note to self, the bras go in the second drawer,” chatting with their dad on the phone. They even made me a thoughtful card and brushed their teeth before heading to bed without a fuss!
I asked for assistance, and they delivered. Who would have thought?
The takeaway here is that we don’t have to be martyrs when it comes to parenting or managing life. It’s perfectly fine to ask for help and allow others to care for us. Taking a break doesn’t mean the world will crumble around us; we can show our vulnerabilities without being seen as weak.
So, moms and dads, let’s not feel the need to just push through. It’s okay to let our kids see when we’re struggling and to seek their help. It’s acceptable to acknowledge when we can’t do it all, to mix family obligations with work, and even to crawl into bed early. It’s alright to let the dishes pile up and the laundry end up in the wrong drawers. It’s okay to admit, “I’m not sure what I’m doing, but I know I’m messing it up somehow.”
Embracing our humanity—our strength and vulnerability—is what makes us real. It’s okay to say, “I’m not feeling great,” and it’s absolutely okay to ask for help. Ultimately, everything will turn out alright.
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