Teaching My Kids That Life Isn’t Fair—Because I Want to Raise Kind Humans

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Fairness is that sticky topic that often ignites sibling squabbles. My kids can’t seem to get enough of discussing what they perceive as unfairness.

“She has more cookies than I do! That’s not fair!”
“He’s sitting closer to the TV—how is that fair?”
“She might be having a better time than me right now, and that’s just unfair!”

From treats to how we place gadgets to birthday party invites and even the number of cereal puffs in their bowls, my children have somehow developed this notion that the world operates on fairness. I’ve never explicitly told them that life would be perfectly equal, and I doubt I ever will.

In an effort to cultivate empathy and resilience, we’re working diligently to impart the lesson that life can be quite unfair. They won’t always find fairness in school, at work, or in their relationships, and I want them to be prepared for it.

Here are ten reminders of how life doesn’t always play fair:

1. Hard work doesn’t always equal success. Sometimes, they’ll see classmates who put in little effort getting higher grades while they struggle. That’s just how life can be. Unfortunately, it’s as unpredictable as tax season.
2. Losing is part of the game. They might feel devastated when they don’t win a competition they thought they deserved to win. But if they grasp the unfairness of life early on, they may be more willing to pick themselves up and try again.
3. Not everyone will like them. No matter how hard they try to be friendly, there will always be someone who just doesn’t click with them. They’ll need to learn to move past that.
4. Fitting in isn’t guaranteed. There will be times they want to be part of a group and don’t get invited. It’s tough, but it’s a lesson in resilience.
5. Unjust job placements happen. They might witness someone getting a promotion or opportunity that they feel is undeserved. It can be disheartening, but it reflects real-world dynamics.
6. Bullying can happen. Sometimes, bullies will have the upper hand. Teaching them how to navigate this reality is crucial.
7. Illness can strike at the worst times. They may find themselves sick right before a much-anticipated vacation. It’s unfortunate, but it happens.
8. Heartbreak is inevitable. Someone they care about may not appreciate them the way they deserve, leading to painful experiences.
9. Failure is part of growth. If they’re living life fully, they’ll experience setbacks. Hopefully, they’ll learn from each one.
10. Siblings may get more treats. Yes, sometimes one child might get a bigger scoop of ice cream. It’s just how sibling dynamics work.

We want our kids to understand that life will throw them curveballs, and it’s essential to be ready for those moments when unfairness rears its head. This preparation will help them face challenges head-on without relying on us to solve everything—because quite frankly, I can’t even manage the Cheerios situation most days.

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In summary, it’s vital to teach our children about the realities of life, including its inherent unfairness, so they can grow into empathetic and resilient individuals.