Reflecting on my days of nursing, I’m flooded with memories: drifting off to sleep with my baby nestled in my arms during those late-night feeds; battling with my breast pump that persistently beeped like it was taunting me; walking around the house with a nursing pillow strapped to me, feeling like a character from a vintage film; and sitting in shock as another mom shared a horror story about her baby biting her nipple.
Before diving deeper, let me introduce myself. I’m a mother of two and a clinical psychologist specializing in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) for stress and anxiety. My practice often helps mothers grappling with the overwhelming responsibilities of parenting. Unsurprisingly, breastfeeding emerges as a significant source of stress for many new moms. Here are some common scenarios I encounter:
- A mom desperately wants to breastfeed but faces challenges (like an inability to latch or needing to resume antidepressants). She is consumed by guilt over formula feeding and worries about its potential impact on her baby.
- Another mom opts not to breastfeed for valid reasons (such as wanting autonomy over her body or lacking the time to pump). She feels shame about her choice, often intensified by the disapproving reactions of others.
- Then, there’s the mother who successfully nurses but is riddled with anxiety about whether her baby is getting enough nourishment. She obsessively reads breastfeeding guides, hoping to find the secret technique that will ease her worries.
Now, let me return to the nipple-biting story. At a breastfeeding support group, I heard a mother’s tale that shocked me. She explained how her son had bitten part of her nipple off but, against all odds, she persevered. I found myself questioning my own choices. I was nursing too, but it felt confining and restrictive, and I sometimes wished for an escape (perhaps if my son were to do the unthinkable?). Yet, here was a woman so dedicated to breastfeeding that she endured immense pain. What kind of mother was I?
The common thread in these narratives is feelings of inadequacy and guilt among mothers. In CBT, we discuss the harmful impacts of “should”-ing on oneself, where moms bombard themselves with thoughts about what they ought to do. This self-imposed pressure leads to guilt and shame, particularly concerning breastfeeding.
As I reflected on my own experience compared to that mother’s, I realized it was unfair to judge myself against her journey. While I respected her dedication, our values and circumstances were different. I believed in the importance of breastfeeding, but I couldn’t relate to someone who would sacrifice their well-being. It became clear that I had no right to compare my experience with hers.
When I counsel my clients about breastfeeding, I emphasize that every mother’s journey is unique. No one has the same body, baby, or family dynamics. While breastfeeding is widely endorsed by medical professionals, do they truly understand each mother’s situation? Would they encourage a woman battling severe postpartum depression to nurse instead of prioritizing her mental health? It’s essential to avoid passing judgment on mothers for their choices, whatever they may be.
Embrace your breastfeeding journey as your own. Don’t let external voices dictate how you should approach it. Above all, trust in your ability to make the best decision for both yourself and your child.
For more insights on family topics, check out our post on home insemination. If you’re looking for ways to enhance your fertility journey, visit Make a Mom for expert advice. For additional resources on pregnancy, explore Medical News Today.
In summary, each mother’s experience with breastfeeding is deeply personal and should be respected. It’s crucial to recognize that feelings of guilt and inadequacy can be alleviated by understanding that no one’s experience mirrors your own.