Every evening, as we dim the lights, my son, a spirited yet sensitive pre-teen, opens up to me. Beneath his cheeky demeanor and love for video games lies a deep well of emotion. He shares his worries, fears, and dreams, revealing a side of him that’s raw and real.
He is, in many ways, a reflection of me: passionate and deeply affected by the world around him. And while I find him incredibly beautiful in his intensity, I also recognize the struggles he faces. When he expresses anxiety about an upcoming math test or his longing for a solo in the school concert, I can see how those emotions resonate deep within him.
It hits me hard when he talks about wishing to stay young forever, echoing my own bittersweet feelings as I watch him grow. Although I know it’s perfectly normal for him to feel this way, all I want is to erase his sadness. I wish I could fulfill every desire and freeze time in place, preserving the joy of his current age.
But the truth is, I can’t. I remind him nightly that I can’t control every aspect of his life, that sometimes he won’t get what he yearns for. I joke about wishing for a time machine, but we all know that’s just fantasy.
As parents, we lack the power to alter the course of time or shield our children from every disappointment. We can’t avoid the moments when life feels overwhelming. When our kids complain of a tummy ache, our instinct is to soothe them. If they face any type of hurt, we want to make it all better. Yet, often, we can’t.
When others treat our children cruelly, our protective instincts surge; we want to confront the bullies, but we must find a way to navigate these challenges without losing control. No matter how hard we try, there will be moments of suffering that occur without our knowledge or presence. This is simply part of watching them grow and gradually letting go.
In their infancy, we are their entire world. If we’re fortunate, their biggest struggles may be minor inconveniences like gas pains or teething. However, as they mature, it becomes increasingly challenging to manage their emotional turmoil. The reality is that there will always be obstacles and hardships simply because we live in an imperfect world.
I believe that this sense of helplessness is one of the toughest realities of parenting. Watching them step into the world feels like watching a piece of my heart venture out into the unknown. No one prepared me for the difficulty of this stage of parenthood. Sometimes, I fantasize about whisking my children away to a secluded paradise, shielding them from all negativity.
Of course, I realize that wouldn’t solve anything; it’s just a fleeting thought. I wish for my kids to be oblivious to heartache, malice, or disappointment. However, I’m coming to understand that my role as a parent isn’t to eliminate their sadness but to help them navigate it. My purpose is to guide them in managing emotions—encouraging them to feel, process, and eventually let go.
This journey requires me to be courageous and resilient. I need to confront my own feelings and accept that there are aspects of life beyond my control. It’s crucial that I instill this understanding in my children.
With my older son, who mirrors my sensitivity, this task feels especially daunting. He confides in me during our quiet moments together, sharing thoughts he keeps hidden from others. Sometimes I worry that my emotions about his struggles may cloud my ability to support him effectively.
But as a mother, his pain becomes my pain. I can’t help but absorb his heartache. So, I’ll continue to be there for him, creating a safe space for him to express himself, all while reassuring him that everything will be alright. Yet, I’ll admit, I still find myself wishing for a way to alleviate his struggles, to eliminate the challenges he faces.
And if anyone happens to have a time machine lying around, I’d love to borrow it!
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In summary, while I wish I could shield my children from all pain and disappointment, I realize my true role is to help them learn to cope with life’s challenges, supporting them through their feelings while also navigating my own.