Today was one of those days when I completely lost my cool with my 4-year-old daughter, my sweet little girl who showers me with hugs, declares her love for me daily, and insists on saving every bug she finds. Just yesterday, she colored a picture of me with bright crayons and told me her favorite color is “sparkly pink.”
She had been feeling under the weather for two days and woke up at 5 AM, struggling to breathe through her stuffy nose. By noon, I knew she needed a nap, and honestly, I was desperate for her to sleep so I could get some work done. My partner had been working late all week, I was running on fumes, and looming deadlines were weighing heavily on me. We were both cranky, and I just needed her to rest.
But of course, she was having none of it. She resisted with all the energy she had left, tiny snorts escaping her as she protested. I tried everything — gentle shushing, telling her bedtime stories, even rocking her like a baby. But sleep eluded us both.
And then I snapped. I yelled out of frustration, I let my temper flare, and I set her down on the bed a bit too harshly. It’s not something I do often; I usually have a good handle on my emotions. But in that moment, I was overwhelmed.
Seeing her little face crumple as she burst into tears filled me with guilt. “I’m sorry, Mommy. I’m so sorry,” she sobbed, burying her head into my shoulder. The immediate trust she showed in me made my heart ache even more. I felt a whirlwind of lingering frustration and intense remorse.
I apologized repeatedly, and thankfully, she accepted my words and soon fell asleep against me. As she lay in my arms, I released a heavy sigh, letting the frustration melt away. All that remained was sadness and regret. I whispered apologies into her hair, “I’m so sorry, sweet girl.”
Even hours later, I couldn’t shake the feeling of having failed her, no matter how much I tried to rationalize it. Why do we parents put so much pressure on ourselves?
Yes, there are parents who genuinely need to confront their harmful behaviors, and emotional or physical abuse is never acceptable. It’s crucial for us to maintain a peaceful home environment and practice self-care to avoid taking our frustrations out on our children. Kids absorb everything; they are like little sponges soaking up our emotions.
However, I believe many of us are overly critical of ourselves. Embracing gentle and mindful parenting doesn’t guarantee perfection. We will stumble and make mistakes along the way; that’s simply part of the journey. If you’re even contemplating these issues and striving to be kind to your children while recognizing their feelings, you’re doing better than many.
Parenting is about the bigger picture — the foundation of trust we build over time. Once you establish that trust, it’s surprisingly resilient. Kids are incredibly forgiving, and witnessing their capacity for understanding can be a humbling experience.
So, if you ever find yourself losing your temper (and trust me, you will), take a moment to breathe, apologize, accept your child’s forgiveness, and then move on. You have a beautiful, vibrant little soul to nurture.
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Summary
It’s perfectly normal for parents to lose their tempers occasionally. Despite the guilt that follows, it’s important to remember that building trust with our children is a long-term journey. Acknowledging our mistakes, apologizing, and moving forward is essential for healthy family dynamics.