Even the Most Joyful Marriages Can Feel Burdensome at Times

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My partner and I were nearing the end of our honeymoon, sharing a kiss in the parking lot of a charming French bakery in Quebec City. We chose Canada for our travels to savor the autumn rather than seeking warmer weather. Being there with him felt just as magical as I had envisioned — simply perfect. We were brimming with excitement about our future, and our desires aligned seamlessly. I was still riding the high of becoming Mrs. Taylor, with every opportunity to refer to him as “my husband” instead of his name.

As we embraced, a woman strolled by, observing us with a knowing smile. She had stunning gray hair twisted into a bun and wore striking red lipstick. She rocked a pair of jeans better than anyone I had ever seen. Accompanied by a man whose hand she held, she made eye contact with me, her gaze unwavering. I felt a warmth radiate from her, yet I was compelled to look away first. I tried to refocus on my husband, but her presence lingered in my mind, almost as if she were reaching out to me.

The following morning, I woke up early and left my husband still asleep, excited to surprise him with croissants and crepes. To my surprise, the same woman was sitting outside the bakery, alone. Her hair and lipstick were unchanged, but now she wore bifocals and was engrossed in writing a letter. She looked up as I approached and greeted me with a gentle smile, different from the one she had shared the night before. “You were the couple I saw last night, kissing right here,” she remarked.

“Yes, I’m on my honeymoon,” I replied.

“Ah, the honeymoon! Please, have a seat,” she said, gesturing to the chair beside her. “I’ve been married for 32 years. There’s only one honeymoon. Once it’s over, and you start navigating through life, you’ll discover what your relationship is truly made of.”

I had certainly heard such sentiments before. Friends had shared their marriage struggles, but I believed we were different — we had everything figured out. “Your marriage will feel heavy,” she warned.

“No, it won’t. We’re perfect for each other,” I thought, dismissing her words.

Yet, I found myself sitting there, allowing her to continue despite my reluctance. Deep down, I wanted to retreat back to bed with my crepes and the man who had just vowed to love me forever. But something about her made me stay, and over the years, I’ve come to understand the truth in her words.

There are days when you won’t feel like talking to him, and he might do something trivial that ignites your frustration—not because of the act itself, but due to its recurrence. You’ll both have moments of irritation and periods where you fail to show your best selves. You may find it hard to see the partner you married and have to fight against mere coexistence. Disagreements will arise about parenting, finances, intimacy, and even who took out the trash last.

You might know you’re causing harm to your relationship yet proceed anyway. You will learn how to hurt each other, often unintentionally. There will be days you hope he’ll step up when he walks through the door after a long day, and while sometimes he will, other times he may feel overwhelmed by your expectations.

You’ll reminisce about the earlier days of your relationship — both of you will — and discussing those feelings can be tough. Your marriage will have its highs and lows, and in the valleys, you may question if this is how it’s meant to be. You could even wonder if it might be the end.

However, if you persevere, as my partner and I have, and learn to shoulder the burdens together—while still enjoying each other’s company after fighting so hard for one another, for your family, and for your own needs—then that’s what a true marriage is.

I may not remember every detail of that woman’s advice outside the bakery in Quebec City, but I will always recall her presence and our conversation. Something in her, or perhaps something within me, compelled me to listen that morning. Her words echo in my marriage, and I believe our meeting was serendipitous for a reason.

While I’m no marriage expert, having been happily married for 14 years, my partner and I have discovered that when it feels heavy, sometimes you can lean on each other, and at other times, you just have to manage the weight as best as you can. After all, even the happiest marriages can feel burdensome, and we’re all just navigating through our relationships the best way we can, especially during the tough times.

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Summary

Marriages, even the happiest ones, can sometimes feel heavy and burdensome. As couples navigate through life, they may encounter challenges that test their relationship. Through perseverance and mutual support, partners can overcome these struggles and continue to grow together.