My Parenting Triumph Came at My Partner’s Expense — And That’s Just Fine

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Kids always seem to need to use the restroom at the worst possible moments — right when you buckle them into the car, as soon as you pull into the driveway, or just when you’re settling in for a movie. The absolute worst is when you’re at a restaurant, all cozied up, excited that someone else is handling the cooking and cleaning. This scenario plays out in our household without fail, and it can be utterly draining, especially for us stay-at-home moms who usually tackle these bathroom adventures solo.

One lovely spring afternoon, I decided to take my three children out for lunch, hoping my husband could join us for some much-needed adult conversation. No sooner had we settled in at our local sub shop than my youngest announced loudly for everyone in line to hear, “I have to poop now!” Naturally, my daughter chimed in that she needed to go too. Apparently, it’s a delightful idea to all venture into a public restroom together and touch every surface imaginable.

I turned to my husband, who was eagerly anticipating his meatball sub, and raised my eyebrows. “This is a piece of cake for you. You can handle it,” I assured him.

“Alone? Can’t you come with me?” he replied, a hint of panic in his eyes.

With only one family bathroom available and our kids being just 3 and 4 years old (still needing assistance with the number-two business), he would have to take them both in at once. Given their urgency, it seemed better for them to release their bowels in a restroom than in the booth next to me.

“It’ll be easier that way,” I said, fully aware I was fibbing, but my hunger was overpowering. I wanted a moment to sit and eat without interruption. After years of being the one to manage these outings, it was time for him to step up his game. Plus, he often wonders why I don’t take the kids out more. Well, he was about to find out!

As I enjoyed my lunch and had light banter with my oldest, the sounds of chaos from the restroom were hard to ignore — and they were audible to everyone waiting for their sandwiches, too.

After what felt like an eternity, my youngest emerged, looking like he had just been ejected from the bathroom. His pants were askew, and he looked uncomfortable, but that didn’t stop him from exclaiming, “Mom, my poop was this long!” while holding his arms apart dramatically. I winced, knowing everyone in line could hear him.

Another lengthy wait ensued, and finally, my husband emerged with our daughter, who seemed quite relieved. My husband, however, looked like he had just weathered a storm, proclaiming, “Those kids need a bath when we get home.”

It was clear he was rattled. He’s certainly taken the kids to the restroom before, but typically I would take the other child who always seems to need to go at the same moment. He’s changed diapers and cleaned up messes, but I handle these situations far more frequently, often feeling like I can manage it all with one hand tied behind my back.

I could have chosen to help him, but I stayed put because, for once, I wanted to savor a meal without interruptions. It was the first time in over six years that I had managed to eat a meal in peace, and it felt wonderfully satisfying. It was about time for a change. I had started to feel some resentment, and I realized it was partly my fault for always jumping in to help so my husband could enjoy his meal. I wanted to relish my meal too — at least some of the time.

As parents, we celebrate the small victories, and this was a significant win for me (though not for my husband). I enjoyed my lunch, and that made it a good day. While my husband is generally a hands-on dad, he had never taken all three kids out by himself, so he got a crash course in the chaos of taking them all into a germ-filled public restroom. He learned that outings with kids can quickly spiral into a total disaster.

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In summary, navigating parenting can often be a juggling act, and sometimes, it’s okay to let your partner take the lead to gain a little perspective. After all, we all deserve moments to enjoy our meals in peace.