As a Father Who Finds It Hard to Express Emotion, I Aspire for More for My Son

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By: Jake Thompson
Updated: Oct. 30, 2023
Originally Published: Oct. 30, 2023

I work in a highly competitive collegiate athletics environment, where toughness is the norm. The prevailing attitude is to confront challenges head-on and to “tough it out.” The student-athletes I interact with are typically between the ages of 18 and 22, and while they are undeniably strong and fast, one of the greatest hurdles we face is helping them acknowledge their emotional struggles, particularly in terms of mental health. It’s crucial for them to understand that sometimes, powering through isn’t the answer. Homesickness, feelings of inadequacy, and the pressures of balancing academics with athletics can weigh heavily on young athletes.

In my time in this field, I’ve become aware of instances of suspected suicide attempts among students. Thinking about how my son is just a decade younger than these athletes fills me with concern. I want him to realize that it’s perfectly acceptable for men to express their emotions. Crying, feeling sorrow, and seeking help are not signs of weakness.

I’m not one to shed tears frequently, and in fact, I find crying to be something of a taboo. There have been moments where I felt the urge to cry, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I experience the same emotions as anyone else—the tightness in my chest, the quiver in my hands, and the lump in my throat—but releasing those tears feels nearly impossible. This struggle to show vulnerability is often how men are socialized; we build barriers around our emotions that can be challenging to break down.

While I recognize that this emotional restraint isn’t healthy, I want a different path for my son. I desire for him to be resilient but also compassionate. I want all my children, including my two daughters, to confidently communicate their needs and feelings as they navigate life. However, there lies a challenge, particularly concerning my son. I want him to feel safe expressing his emotions, but as a parent, I realize I must lead by example, and I don’t always excel in that regard.

When my father passed away, I didn’t shed a tear. I didn’t cry at my wedding, nor at the births of my children. In the nine years since I became a father, I have only cried once—when my daughter had to go to the emergency room due to a burn. Sometimes, I worry that I may have built my own emotional walls, and I recognize that this is something I need to confront. In the meantime, I am trying to instill in my son that expressing emotion is not only okay but necessary.

Recently, I noticed that he doesn’t cry as much, and I fear he might be starting to build those walls like I did. However, just a few months ago, he cried after a soccer match—a sport he loves. He was playing goalie, and despite giving it his all, his team was losing, and the other players seemed to give up. After the game, he was visibly upset and fighting back tears, feeling the weight of disappointment.

In that moment, I chose not to repeat the dismissive words I often heard growing up. Instead, I bent down, embraced him, and whispered, “Let it out, buddy. Don’t hold it in. Just let it go. Trust me.” He nodded and buried his face in my shoulder, finally allowing his feelings to flow.

It’s moments like these that remind me of the importance of emotional expression for both of us. If you’re interested in more about the journey of parenting and emotional growth, I encourage you to check out other articles on our site, like the one found in our terms and conditions at Intracervical Insemination. For those exploring family expansion, an excellent resource on home insemination can be found at Cleveland Clinic, which offers valuable insights. Additionally, for anyone interested in the best options for at-home insemination, check out Make a Mom.

Summary

As a father, I grapple with my own emotional constraints while striving to raise my son in a world that encourages vulnerability. By fostering an environment where emotions are accepted and expressed, I hope to break the cycle of emotional suppression and teach him the importance of compassion and strength.