Recently, my husband and I attended the first set of parent-teacher conferences for our daughter, Lily, who is in third grade. As we sat there, her teacher shared how delightful she is and how lucky she feels to have her in class. We laughed about the differences between Lily and her older brother, Ethan, who had the same teacher a few years back. The teacher highlighted Lily’s strengths in math (which we expected) and mentioned that she could use some extra help with phonics (no problem, we can work on that at home).
Then the teacher presented us with a few papers. The first was a survey Lily had completed about her feelings toward the school year. The second was a drawing she made depicting her initial months at school, and the third was a heartfelt letter she wrote to us. I noticed a change in the teacher’s expression, and my heart sank as I braced myself for what was to come.
The survey included questions like, “What do you like most about school this year?” to which she answered “math.” However, when asked about her least favorite aspect, she wrote, “I don’t have any friends. It makes me feel sad at school.” My heart felt heavy, but we pressed on. Next came her drawing—she illustrated herself alone at a long lunch table, looking forlorn, with tears on her cheeks while her classmates enjoyed each other’s company on the other end. I felt tears of my own welling up as I read the letter she penned, “Mom and Dad, I’d like your help in figuring out how to make friends and find someone to sit with at lunch.”
When I picked her up that day, we had a heartfelt conversation on my bed. She described her experience during the conference, including her thoughts on how to make people want to be her friend. I reached out to my mom, my husband’s mom, and friends who have children in the same grade. I even researched typical social development for 8 to 9-year-old girls, dusted off a parenting book that had been on the shelf for ages, and reflected on my own childhood experiences to find answers for her.
After a week of deep contemplation and sleepless nights, an insight struck me at 2 a.m.: You will never be enough for everyone. At first, I was taken aback. But as I pondered further, I realized it was true. You won’t be enough for everyone, and that’s perfectly okay.
Here’s what I want you to know, Lily:
You are kind. Your compassionate nature and desire to treat others well are inspiring. You genuinely care about people and strive to understand their perspectives, which is not a sign of weakness but rather a testament to your strength. However, remember, you won’t resonate with everyone.
You are resilient. While you care about others’ feelings and are quick to apologize if you hurt someone, you also stand firm in your beliefs. Your determination may sometimes be perceived as stubbornness, but I admire your strength in conviction. Yet, some people may not appreciate this aspect of you.
You are unique. Your interests range from cheerleading and makeup to roller derby and tackle football. You embrace a multitude of passions and refuse to be pigeonholed into a single category. Not everyone will understand your diverse interests, but I celebrate your individuality.
Stay true to yourself, my dear. Never compromise your heart or your kindness for others. Don’t allow anyone to harden you or change your beliefs. Continue loving what you love, regardless of societal expectations. You are beautiful just as you are.
While some people may not appreciate you, there will be others who will embrace and understand you fully. If you remain authentic, the right friends will eventually come into your life, even if it doesn’t happen right away in the lunchroom. You are remarkable, and staying true to yourself will lead you to amazing connections.
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Summary:
In this heartfelt message, I want my daughter, Lily, to understand that while she may not be enough for everyone, she is more than enough for those who will truly appreciate her. It’s vital for her to remain true to herself, embrace her uniqueness, and continue to be kind, strong, and authentic.