As Halloween approaches, I’ve become increasingly aware of a concerning trend: a faction of joyless individuals seems intent on spoiling our holidays. You might not have noticed—these curmudgeons operate subtly.
They typically emerge this time of year, particularly targeting the festive trio: Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Their disdain for the joy these celebrations bring is obvious, but their real grievance is with the indulgence that accompanies them.
Every year, we’re inundated with “healthy” suggestions, like “snack on the veggie platter.” Seriously? At a holiday gathering, a veggie tray feels like an affront to those of us who cherish these festivities. You can follow a cleanse up until the party, but if you come to MY gathering, you better arrive ready to indulge!
I’m taking a stand against these holiday naysayers. I envision myself like a character in a heroic saga, defiantly declaring, “They may take our lives, but they’ll never take our celebrations!”
Now, I do admit that certain holidays have escalated to extremes and could use some moderation. If I hear one more request to craft a ridiculous leprechaun trap on St. Patrick’s Day, I might just lose it. But let’s focus on the big three—Halloween is where I’m starting.
Ah, the simpler times! Remember when social media didn’t turn everyone into self-proclaimed experts? Back then, no one was crafting spooky hands out of carrots, nor were they transforming clementines into pumpkins. And don’t even get me started on those “boo-tiful” banana creations!
In the past, we reveled in sugary treats—think Butterfingers, ghost-shaped marshmallows, and candy corn. Yes, I said it—processed delights!
How I Will Celebrate Halloween This Year
So, how will I celebrate Halloween this year? I’m going back to basics. I’ll be teaching my kids the essentials of a true Halloween experience:
- A) Always trick-or-treat in the affluent neighborhoods (obviously).
- B) Binge on candy like there’s no tomorrow.
- C) Coconut treats? No thanks, we’ll pass.
We’ll target houses handing out Costco-sized candy bars and maybe even prank those offering homemade snacks or, heaven forbid, raisins!
Mommy will definitely encourage them to pick out her favorite candies too because, let’s be honest, a mom’s gotta get her share. We’ll snack as we stroll from house to house for energy, and once we’re home, we’ll spread our haul on the floor, count it, and devour even more! I’ll be right there to support them through the sugar highs and inevitable crashes as they collapse after watching their favorite spooky flicks, well past bedtime. We’re rebels, after all!
Sure, the following day will involve some semblance of normalcy. I’ll moderate their candy consumption and donate the excess to our doctor’s office. We’ll get back on track and rejoin society.
But let’s savor this one day, folks! We’re going to celebrate Halloween as it’s meant to be celebrated. Are you with me?
If you’re interested in more insights, check out what our real-life parenting experts, Mia and Sarah, share about this topic in their latest podcast episode.
In summary, let’s reclaim the magic of Halloween from those who would dull our joy. Embrace the fun, the treats, and the traditions that make this holiday special. And if you’re looking for more information on home insemination, visit this resource or check out this authority on the subject and this great blog for more information.