When my oldest child was just a little one, I received a piece of parenting advice that stuck with me: Create an environment where your kids’ friends want to spend time. Enthusiastically, I embraced this idea, envisioning my home as the ultimate hangout spot.
In my mind, I imagined a cool house filled with fun amenities. I planned to invest in a trampoline and the latest gaming consoles while keeping an endless supply of snacks, including all the good stuff. I envisioned a future where my dining table would always have extra chairs, with my kids’ friends calling us their second family.
But here we are now, and the reality is quite different. We never got that trampoline or fancy gaming system. I don’t leave the fridge open for the neighborhood kids to help themselves. Instead, I usher my kids and their friends outside when the baby is napping and insist they tidy up after turning our garage into a playground.
Despite my earlier aspirations, I’ve realized I’m not the fun mom I once aimed to be, and you know what? That’s perfectly fine.
I understand the appeal of having the cool house. After all, if my kids and their friends choose to hang out here—especially during their teenage years—I can keep an eye on them. I can know who they’re with, what they’re doing, and ensure they’re in a safe environment. However, I’ve come to see that this isn’t my primary role as a mother anymore.
What truly matters to me is creating a space where my children feel at home. It’s about love, not how many trendy gadgets or endless bowls of chips we have. Growing up is tough. If my own teenage years taught me anything, it’s that my oldest will face her share of friend drama, heartache, and pressures. There will be days when she feels let down or inadequate.
In those challenging moments, I want our home to be a sanctuary for her. I hope she can come back from school, feeling worn out from the day’s trials, and find solace in a loving environment. Building that atmosphere takes time and effort, and I’m learning through experience.
So, kids, you probably won’t be bringing friends on family vacations anytime soon. I know you would have fun, but I’d rather have you at the table, playing board games with us. I want you to forge strong bonds with your siblings, relationships that will last a lifetime. I cherish those moments when you’re not self-conscious or worried about how you appear to your friends; I want you to feel free to hug me without hesitation.
While I don’t think the idea of being the cool house is inherently wrong, I’ve adopted a new guiding principle: Friends are fun, but family is forever. I once believed my job was to help my teens build their social circles, but now I see it as my duty to create a supportive family network around them. No one loves them as unconditionally as we do, and I want to prioritize showing them that.
I want my kids to know that even on the hardest days, home is where they can truly be themselves and be embraced for who they are. And if they occasionally want to invite friends over, well, that’s okay too!
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In summary, I’ve shifted my focus from being the fun mom to fostering a nurturing home where my kids feel safe and loved. The relationships we build as a family are my priority, and that’s where I want to invest my time and energy.