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My Child’s Reluctance to Sleep Has Left Me an Emotional Wreck
Parenting
Today marks the start of week four of my toddler’s ongoing battle against sleep. It usually begins peacefully, but a few hours in, he wakes up wailing, which often leads to me bursting into tears out of sheer exhaustion and frustration. I now see why sleep deprivation is a method of torture; my brain and body struggle to function on just a few hours of disrupted rest. Waking repeatedly to a tired child who refuses to sleep and cries for food yet won’t eat anything has turned into an unexpected test of patience, and it’s one I’m finding particularly challenging.
These past weeks have revealed that I become an emotional wreck when I’m sleep-deprived. With my 2-year-old and being nearly six months pregnant, fatigue has become my constant companion. The helplessness that comes from not being able to soothe your child can quickly spiral into hopelessness after numerous failed attempts.
Before I became a parent, I thought I had a decent grasp of what to expect. I had babysat plenty of kids and even raised my teenage niece for a year after a family tragedy. I assumed the teenage years would be the most difficult due to the drama of hormones, relationships, and school. Little did I know that the true challenges of parenting would stem from sleepless nights, bartering for a child to eat one of five dinner options (as a first-time parent, I’m still figuring out how to get my toddler to eat what I serve), and the chaos of cleaning up toys, not to mention the daunting task of potty training.
I have shed more tears into my coffee cup and kitchen cabinets than I’d like to admit after yet another unsuccessful attempt to get my child dressed, fed, or to clean up. I’ve resorted to bargaining (you can watch your favorite show after breakfast), but to no avail. We’ve experimented with co-sleeping, letting him cry it out, blackout curtains, essential oils for relaxation, sleep training, reading countless parenting books, and watching how-to videos during those long, sleepless nights. Unfortunately, nothing seems to work for long, and any parenting hack we stumble upon quickly loses its effectiveness, leaving me to navigate yet another wave of emotional despair.
Parenting is incredibly tough—really, really tough—especially when compounded by a lack of sleep. Typically, I consider myself an optimist with a can-do attitude. But recently, each day seems to drain the best of me, leaving me a sobbing mess clinging to my coffee. When frustration and anger bubble to the surface, it often feels unavoidable, and I end up feeling just as childish as my toddler. Maintaining patience, composure, and offering love instead of anger is nearly as challenging as parenting itself.
I once believed I had mastered my emotions after years of adult challenges. After all, I’ve dealt with grown men who often acted like children. However, this is different. The constant testing of wills (mine seems to be the weaker one), boundary pushing, and the inability of my child to articulate his needs makes everything feel more complex, especially when I’m left guessing which toy is currently his favorite or why he suddenly dislikes bananas when just yesterday they were a hit.
Emotional exhaustion manifests in various ways—crying, pleading, bribery, leaving home in mismatched shoes, neglecting self-care, subsisting on cold leftovers, and dozing off whenever silence graces the house. I now understand why strangers sometimes look concerned at my appearance; it’s been ages since I could enjoy a shower without my child turning the sanctuary of hot water into a playground.
Yet, it’s not all doom and gloom. I’m greeted each morning with sloppy kisses and heartfelt hugs, and there’s always someone eager to express their love for me. It’s hard to believe that the struggle is worth the reward, but when I see my child’s eyes lighting up as he asks for just a few more minutes of my time, or during moments of imaginative play, the rewards are beyond words.
I have a built-in source of entertainment that accompanies me everywhere, makes me laugh even when I’m about to crack, and reminds me constantly that I’ve created something truly remarkable. This parenting journey is the toughest adventure of my life, and we’re still in the early stages. I know more challenges lie ahead, but the joy of seeing those little faces light up when I walk in the door makes the emotional exhaustion seem bearable.
I’m an exhausted, emotional mama, and I wouldn’t trade this experience for anything. To all the weary moms and dads out there—keep pushing through. You’re doing your best. And remember: “All you can do is all you can do, and all you can do is enough.”
Love,
One tired mama