When the nurse placed my newborn daughter in my arms, I distinctly remember gazing up at her in a haze of exhaustion and pain and thinking, “There’s no way she believes I can care for this tiny human.” As she briskly exited my recovery room, I looked down at my daughter’s tiny face, utterly bewildered about what to do next.
I was completely unprepared for motherhood, a fact that became glaringly obvious during a visit to the baby store when a friend had to explain how a breast pump worked. I read everything I could find in anticipation of my daughter’s arrival, but I still couldn’t find the “I Have No Idea What I’m Doing” manual I so desperately needed.
After a challenging recovery from a C-section and grappling with postpartum depression, my early days as a mother felt disorienting. My body had changed, my emotions were all over the place, and my daughter seemed to evolve daily. With growth spurts, diaper rashes, and sleepless nights, I often questioned whether I was cut out for this role. Motherhood didn’t come naturally to me; it felt like I was constantly learning through trial and error, and I was utterly exhausted.
Now that my kids are teenagers, I reflect on those days and realize there’s so much I would have done differently. While I wouldn’t want to relive the sleepless nights or the sore nipples, if I could go back in time, here’s what I’d tell my postpartum self:
- That baby wipe warmer? Total waste of money and space. Invest in a quality nursing bra instead.
- Cheap diapers work just as well as the fancy ones. Use the savings to treat yourself to some wine.
- It’s perfectly fine to skip a shower if it means savoring a hot cup of coffee or eating with two hands. Ponytails and dry shampoo will be your best friends.
- Your first time having sex post-C-section might make you question your life choices. Just know it gets better!
- Don’t waste your time trying to remove breast milk stains from your clothes. Just buy new outfits—you’ve earned it after nurturing a human!
- Your child won’t be a teenager still using a pacifier. If he’s four and still has one, that’s alright!
- The same goes for potty training. Don’t stress; he will eventually figure it out.
- Memorize that sweet baby smell. It’s a scent you’ll long for as they grow.
- Embrace those quiet moments at night with your baby. One day, the chaos will feel overwhelming, and you’ll miss these peaceful times.
- It’s okay to tell your toddler that public bathrooms don’t exist. Sometimes, it’s just easier that way.
- Relish every moment of playing Santa and the Easter Bunny. One day, the magic will fade, and it’ll hit you hard.
- You will poop normally again, but your audience may stick around for a while.
- No one will judge you for tossing your kids’ crafts. Keep a few sentimental pieces, but don’t stress over the rest.
- As annoying as your baby’s cries may be now, one day you’ll miss that baby voice.
- Buy a cake for the first birthday party. No child remembers the effort you put into perfect icing.
- Go on as many dates with your partner as you can. You’ll cherish those moments when the kids are grown and the house is quiet.
- Don’t always be the one behind the camera. Get pictures with your kids to capture those memories; one day, you’ll wish you had more.
- It’s okay to think your toddler is a little monster at times. They can be!
- Toddler tantrums are not for the faint of heart. You’ll survive the chaos, I promise.
- You will find your way back to your career. It may feel awkward, but you’ll eventually get back on track.
- Be kind to yourself daily. Self-care is crucial for those tough days.
- No, you can’t return the baby. But it’s normal to wish you could send that little crying machine back sometimes.
- A phone call to your best friend from the closet is a valid coping strategy. Anyone who says otherwise is just kidding themselves.
- Remember, you created a human! That alone makes you a superhero. Don’t forget that.
- Trust your instincts—if you feel something is off with your child, fight for answers.
- The first poop after a C-section? You’ll see stars. Make sure you have those stool softeners handy!
- Don’t hesitate to tell people who suggest you nap when the baby naps to come do your chores instead. It’s infuriating when the baby just won’t sleep.
- Avoid looking “down there” in the early months. Curiosity killed the cat, remember?
- You will sleep again—sort of. You’ll adapt to a new kind of vigilance.
- You’ll fit into jeans again. They may not be the same size as before (who cares?), but you will rock those pants with confidence.
There are countless moments I’d change if I could. I’d remind myself to loosen up and that strict bedtimes can drive you nuts. The years may feel long, but the days are short, and the silence of an empty house after school can be deafening. I’d also encourage myself to skip the chores occasionally and indulge in some Netflix during nap time.
Most importantly, I would pull my new mom self in for a comforting hug and whisper, “You’re doing great.” That’s the reassurance I truly needed in those early days.
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Summary
This article reflects on the chaotic yet transformative early days of motherhood. Through a list of 30 insights, the author shares humorous, heartfelt advice that would have eased her postpartum journey, emphasizing self-compassion, the importance of connection, and the inevitability of change as children grow.