As November rolls around, we once again find ourselves in the midst of the gratitude season, with influencers and media outlets touting the myriad benefits of thankfulness. From podcasts to popular talk shows, everyone seems eager to remind us to appreciate what we have. And who, if not mothers, should feel the most grateful? After all, many of us are blessed with wonderful children whose love and laughter enrich our lives. Some have endured challenging fertility treatments or lengthy adoption processes to get here. Shouldn’t our lives overflow with gratitude?
As a mother and a clinical psychologist focusing on anxiety related to motherhood, I find myself questioning the relentless push for gratitude. I’m not alone; a recent editorial in a prominent newspaper highlighted how the pressure to feel thankful can sometimes come off as self-serving or even indulgent. My concern lies elsewhere. While studies indicate that gratitude can lead to enhanced happiness and life satisfaction, I’ve noticed that for some mothers, this pressure can lead to feelings of inadequacy and distress.
Understanding the Pressure
Let me elaborate. I’ve worked with many mothers who, despite having ample reasons to be thankful, are grappling with stress, anxiety, or depression. They often express that the constant reminders to feel grateful during the Thanksgiving season feel more like an obligation than a comfort. They acknowledge their blessings but still struggle with unhappiness, which can intensify their feelings of guilt and self-doubt.
On the other hand, I’ve encountered moms who find it difficult to identify anything to be grateful for. The gratitude movement has suggestions for this too. Recently, I came across a post encouraging people to appreciate clean air, safe drinking water, and a warm home. While these are undoubtedly vital, they provide little solace to someone grappling with loneliness or sadness.
The Complexity of Emotions
In my experience, the insistence on gratitude can sometimes feel dismissive, akin to telling someone, “You have [food/shelter/love], so stop complaining!” But mental health struggles like depression and anxiety don’t adhere to such simplistic logic. High-profile tragedies, like the loss of beloved comedian Robin Williams, remind us that even those with seemingly perfect lives can suffer deeply.
In cognitive-behavioral therapy, we often emphasize the importance of accepting negative emotions and practicing self-compassion. During this gratitude season, I strive to reassure moms that it’s completely normal to feel sadness or even a lack of gratitude, regardless of their circumstances.
Gentle Reminders
I appreciate the ongoing conversations around gratitude, but I believe that all these discussions should come with gentle reminders:
- It’s okay if you can’t think of something to be thankful for.
- It’s okay to appreciate some aspects of your life while struggling with others.
- It’s okay to have everything yet still feel unhappy.
Now that’s a message I can support during Thanksgiving.
Additional Resources
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Conclusion
In summary, while the message of gratitude is well-intentioned, it’s crucial to recognize that it’s perfectly acceptable to feel a range of emotions, including sadness, regardless of one’s circumstances. Embracing this complexity can lead to healthier self-acceptance.