Whenever couples with children mingle with those who don’t, the topic inevitably shifts towards the question, “So, when are you two planning to start a family?” When I ask, I cringe a bit—having once found such inquiries invasive. Yet, my curiosity isn’t meant to pressure anyone; I’m genuinely interested in their life choices. However, their answers often trigger a twinge of envy in my heart.
“We’re waiting until we… travel more, buy a house, advance in our careers, pay off debt, feel ready…”
There’s nothing inherently wrong with these responses. They are thoughtful and grounded. The real issue lies with me and how my journey into parenthood unfolded.
My partner and I had agreed not to have kids before we tied the knot. I wanted to ensure that my future life companion was on the same page about a child-free life. But life has a funny way of changing plans, and now I’m a mom to two amazing kids. I wouldn’t trade them for anything, yet I occasionally find myself mourning the experiences I never had.
Many of my friends have clear timelines for their family plans. They’re waiting for the right moment, pursuing dreams, and ticking off bucket list items before embarking on parenthood. My partner and I didn’t have that luxury. We barely settled into our marriage when my birth control unexpectedly failed, and I found out I was pregnant during a family getaway.
In those early days of shock and adjustment, we were too overwhelmed to process what we were missing out on. It wasn’t until I spoke with friends who are delaying parenthood that I began to recognize the life I didn’t get to live—the adventures left unexplored, the moments unmade. While we were busy selecting cribs and planning for baby essentials, our friends were traveling and enjoying their freedom, untethered by the responsibilities of parenthood.
My life as a parent isn’t bad; it’s fulfilling and brings me joy. We have stability, a cozy home, and my children fill my days with laughter. However, there are evenings when exhaustion grips my body, yet my mind races with what could have been. The spontaneity, the dreams put on hold, the quiet weekends filled with just my partner and me—those are the moments I wish we could have savored a little longer, but destiny had other ideas.
I hold no resentment towards those who choose to wait for the right time to start a family, who seek to explore the world or advance their careers without the weight of parental duties. I admire their foresight and maturity. I simply long for the experiences that slipped through my fingers.
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In summary, while I cherish my life as a mother, I can’t help but reflect on the adventures and experiences my partner and I missed before kids. It’s a bittersweet realization that I hold close to my heart.