Parenting
By: Samantha Rivers
Updated: November 18, 2023
Originally Published: November 12, 2023
I welcomed my three children in quick succession, with each son born two years apart. My eldest, Ethan, often finds himself in the spotlight. At nearly 7 years old, he’s impressively reading chapter books, and we love to share, “Ethan is diving into The Adventures of Tom Sawyer!”
During our homeschooling sessions, he gets the bulk of our focus, given his age and the academic subjects he tackles regularly—math, reading, science, and more.
Then we have the youngest, Lucas, who, despite being almost 3, continues to revel in his status as the baby of the family. He frequently reminds us of this fact and still enjoys the comforts of co-sleeping and being carried around. When he cries, it’s easy to assume he’s just expressing his baby needs. His brothers, especially Ethan, often dote on him, reinforcing his role as the little one.
But then there’s my middle child—Oliver, my sweet and mischievous boy. At 4 years old, he’s still figuring out his letters, which places him at a different developmental stage than Ethan. While homeschooling, he doesn’t receive the same level of attention since he’s technically still in preschool. As a result, he sometimes engages in playful antics to capture our focus. He deserves just as much love and attention as his brothers, so I’ve made a conscious effort to foster our bond.
To keep our connection strong, I’ve discovered several strategies that work well. I know I’m not alone in this journey; many parents of three children face the challenge of ensuring their middle child feels valued. Unlike his older and younger siblings, Oliver’s needs can easily become overshadowed, requiring me to be more intentional in my parenting approach.
One way I show Oliver he’s special is by indulging him in a particular treat that he adores—peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Unlike his older brother who enjoys more complex meals, Oliver would happily eat these sandwiches at every meal and snack time. It’s a simple, nutritious option, so when he asks, I’m quick to oblige. This often happens between meals when I might suggest fruits to his brothers, but Oliver always gets his sandwich.
Physical affection is crucial, too. Children thrive on touch, and while Ethan enjoys cuddles during storytime and Lucas gets carried around all day, Oliver sometimes misses out on those moments. I make a point to hug him often, stroke his hair, and read to him. It requires effort—not because I love him any less, but because it’s easy to forget with the other boys demanding my attention.
I also try to engage him similarly to Ethan. While I work with Ethan on various subjects for hours, I include Oliver as much as possible. Although he may not be interested in everything, like the latest chapter book, I set him up with fun learning activities. For example, I introduced him to ABCMouse to help with his letters. I ensure he has access to art supplies to create his own masterpieces, making him feel included in our daily routine.
Sometimes, I treat him like the baby he occasionally wishes to be. If he’s feeling left out, I’ll scoop him up, wrap him on my back, or let him fall asleep in our bed. These small gestures help him feel loved and secure.
We also share a special daily ritual—Oliver picks out my clothes. I offer him a selection, and he joyfully chooses the outfit he likes best. This simple act gives him a sense of control and importance in our household, allowing him to express himself while fostering our bond.
When I manage to incorporate these practices into our daily life, I notice a significant difference. Oliver becomes more patient, affectionate, and less likely to seek negative attention from his siblings. Middle children can sometimes feel overlooked, but they have their own unique ways of making sure they’re seen.
For more insights on family and parenting strategies, check out this article on Home Insemination Kit or explore Cryobaby’s At-Home Insemination Kit for expert advice. An excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination can be found at Hopkins Medicine.
Summary:
Navigating the needs of a middle child can be a challenge for parents, especially in a busy household. By intentionally incorporating special treats, physical affection, shared activities, and rituals, parents can help their middle child feel valued and connected. These small efforts can foster a loving bond, reduce feelings of neglect, and encourage positive behavior.