Parenting Insights
Young children have an unfiltered honesty that can rival even the most candid of friends. They aren’t shy about pointing out unpleasant truths, whether it’s about your breath or the questionable outfit choices of passersby.
For instance, one day, while I was getting ready, my four-year-old daughter Ella was playing nearby when she suddenly exclaimed, “Mommy! Your tummy looks really big!” She giggled with delight, as if she had just stumbled upon a hidden treasure. I felt my face flush and instinctively pulled my shirt down, realizing that her observation, though innocent, stung a bit because it was, unfortunately, true.
I resisted the urge to defend myself with excuses like, “I carried you for nine months!” Instead, I recognized that Ella wasn’t trying to hurt my feelings; she was simply sharing a thought that struck her as funny. Little ones often lack the awareness of how certain comments can feel hurtful to adults.
After my initial shock, I felt a mix of annoyance and amusement. “Ella!” I said, trying to maintain some authority. “That’s not a nice thing to say.” She looked bewildered, as if I had reprimanded her for saying something as benign as “The sky is blue.” It was clear she didn’t understand the gravity of her words, and I felt a twinge of guilt for making her feel bad about her honesty.
We often teach our kids that honesty is vital, but we tend to add a caveat or two. “Honesty is best, unless Aunt Millie’s knitted sweater isn’t your style.” Or, “Be honest, but don’t tell someone that their haircut looks odd.” It’s a delicate balancing act, especially since toddlers don’t have the experience to navigate these social nuances yet. They’re blissfully unaware of the concept of hurt feelings, having not yet faced the sting of unkind remarks themselves.
As parents, we know that at some point, our little ones will inadvertently embarrass us. It’s just part of the job description (though I like to think we’ll be able to return the favor when they hit their teenage years). We can take these moments to teach them about sensitivity, letting them know that while honesty is important, it’s also essential to consider how their words might affect others. If they’re ever unsure about a comment, they can ask us privately later on.
Leading by example is key. When my daughter came downstairs wearing a bright pink tutu with a striped green top, I might say, “You’re so creative with your outfit! Let’s find a shirt that matches your tutu a bit better.” (Or I could just let her rock that look because, really, who cares?)
A few weeks after the tummy comment, I was struggling with my workout gear when Ella walked in. I braced myself for another observation, but she looked at me with her sweet, earnest eyes and said, “Mommy, you have a tiny tummy!” I couldn’t help but chuckle and hug her, thrilled that she was trying to be kind. I wasn’t sure if I had conveyed the lesson perfectly, but it seemed to have stuck with her.
And maybe, just maybe, I was instilling one of the essential skills of adulthood: When discussing sensitive topics like weight or age, tact is invaluable. She’ll thank me for it one day.
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Summary
Kids often express themselves with an unfiltered honesty that can be both amusing and embarrassing for parents. Teaching them about the importance of tact is a key parenting challenge. Through gentle guidance, parents can help children understand the impact of their words while celebrating their innocent observations.