It’s one of those days where I completely lost my cool with my partner. Picture this: it’s a Sunday afternoon, and after a week filled with stress, sleepless nights, and a touch of illness, I’m trying to catch up on work. My husband, Mark, has graciously offered to take the kids to their grandma’s place, giving me a much-needed breather.
But of course, this is how “taking the kids to grandma’s” unfolds: my 4-year-old dashes out into the chilly air without a jacket, while Mark chases after him, utterly forgetting the spelling list I reminded him about three times. And let’s not forget, the dishes I asked him to handle earlier are still piled high in the sink. To top it all off, I’m feeling particularly hangry after spending the last hour preparing snacks for everyone except myself.
In a flash of frustration, I rush to the door, stick my head out, and yell, “Come back here!” I then proceed to list everything I find wrong, shoving the jacket and spelling list at him and pointing emphatically at the overflowing sink.
To my surprise, Mark looks me straight in the eyes and calmly replies, “It’s been a long week for me too. Take a breath. Get some work done. We’ll be back soon.”
As much as I hate to admit it, he’s right. This isn’t the first time a stressful day has led me to take my frustrations out on him. We generally pride ourselves on being patient and kind, particularly with our children. Yet, when it comes to each other, the rules of civility can sometimes slip away.
If I’m having a rough day, even the smallest thing—like Mark leaving his socks next to the hamper—can set me off. Conversely, if he’s had a tough day at work and I’m distracted by my phone, he might lash out about my listening skills. We both know that our reactions often stem from our own stresses, yet we tend to amplify the situation and let our tempers flare.
I often wonder if this behavior stems from a sense of love and trust. It’s similar to how our kids sometimes behave; they hold it together at school or with friends, then come home and release their pent-up emotions in the safety of our unconditional love. While I appreciate having a partner I can be vulnerable with, I recognize this isn’t always beneficial.
Of course, it’s important to voice when things are bothering me. I know it’s okay to express frustration when he forgets something important or doesn’t handle a task the way I’d prefer. But expecting perfection is unrealistic. After 15 years together, I’ve learned that the mantra “You get what you get, and don’t get upset” applies to marriage as well. Accepting our partner for who they are is crucial for a healthy relationship.
So, no matter how exasperating my partner can be, or how many stressful situations life throws our way, it’s vital to take a step back, breathe, and refrain from lashing out. Even with heartfelt apologies and reconciliations, those moments of anger can be damaging and accumulate over time.
I know the struggle is real. As I glance at the calendar and see PMS looming, I brace myself for a potential spat over trivial matters like the toilet seat being left up or the last piece of chocolate disappearing. However, I plan to keep my cool, hide a stash of Oreos from Mark, and find solace in a little self-care rather than unleashing my frustration.
I’ll do my best.
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Summary:
Navigating the challenges of relationships during stressful times can be tough. Often, we find ourselves taking our frustrations out on our partners. However, recognizing the importance of understanding, acceptance, and communication can help us manage our reactions better. Embracing our partner’s imperfections and focusing on constructive dialogue is key to maintaining a healthy, loving relationship.