“How much longer will she be doing that?” someone remarked about my 2-year-old who still breastfeeds. “Isn’t she a bit old for that?”
Actually, no, but I appreciate your concern.
“I see he’s still in diapers,” another individual commented regarding my just-turned-3-year-old. “Isn’t he getting too old for that?”
Again, no, but thanks for your input.
I’ve lost count of the times I’ve heard people question whether a child is too mature for certain behaviors—whether it’s using a bottle, sucking on a pacifier, riding in a stroller, or even using car carts at the grocery store. Kids in elementary school who still clutch a beloved blankie often face disapproving looks. Strangers often shake their heads at a 3-year-old who hasn’t yet mastered potty training. Every Halloween, there are always grumpy adults who frown upon teenagers trick-or-treating, even when they’re decked out in full costume.
Did I somehow overlook the announcement that there are official age limits for everything?
It seems we have this peculiar belief that as children grow, there are arbitrary cut-off ages for specific activities. We often fear that allowing certain behaviors to continue will hinder their development, or we may think that parents are doing something wrong if their child engages in something we deem “too old.”
Sure, a small number of parents may hold their kids back for questionable psychological reasons. And yes, there are certain habits we should help kids move on from within a reasonable time frame. But here’s the crux: Those limits shouldn’t be determined by random strangers or nosy neighbors.
There’s so much we can’t see from the outside looking in. The teenager who can’t sleep without her cherished teddy bear? She might be dealing with significant anxiety. The older child riding in a shopping cart could simply be one of those kids who appears older than their age. The tween who still believes in Santa might just have a deep love for fantasy. And the 8-year-old sleeping in their parents’ room could be from a culture where that’s completely normal.
Sometimes, it’s about differing priorities. My youngest is now 7, and while I can hardly lift him anymore, I used to carry all my kids when their legs got tired until I couldn’t physically do so anymore. Some may view that as coddling, but I see it as being supportive and compassionate. If I had the ability to carry my husband or my mother when they tire, I would. My 16- and 12-year-olds can walk just fine, so it’s not like my carrying them stunted their growth.
None of us have the right to judge what’s best for another child or family. If I see a child who seems “too old” for something, I remind myself that people have thought similar things about my own kids, and those observers lacked the full context. Every family and every child is unique; unless there’s a serious health or safety concern involved, it’s not my place to form an opinion about someone else’s parenting choices—or to voice those opinions unsolicited.
If you find yourself questioning why a child is still engaged in a certain behavior, ask yourself a few things: Is the child truly being harmed? Are there factors about this child or family I’m unaware of? Is this even my business? Why does it bother me?
Children develop at their own pace and will eventually outgrow almost everything. Unless you’re a trained psychologist familiar with a child’s specific circumstances, it’s best to refrain from making judgments about whether a child is “too old” for something.
Focus on your own family, and allow others the grace to navigate their journeys at their own pace. For more insights on parenting, you might enjoy reading this helpful article on home insemination.
In summary, it’s essential to recognize that every child and family has their own path. Developmental milestones may vary greatly, and as long as there are no significant issues at play, it’s better to embrace diversity in parenting choices rather than judge them.