Recently, I found myself chatting with a friend who had just tied the knot. Curious, I asked if he had any plans for kids. To my surprise, he squirmed a bit, hesitating before declaring, “I know I should want kids because they’re rewarding.” His response felt like a mantra he’d absorbed during wedding speeches.
He glanced at me, seemingly hoping I would nudge him toward fulfilling this supposed societal expectation. But I had no intentions of doing that. I’m a parent to a 5-year-old and a 7-year-old, and quite frankly, I’m too fatigued to advocate for parenting. If you’re unsure about having kids, my advice is simple: don’t. Trust me; it’s less stressful for everyone—except perhaps the therapists, who might miss out on clients.
The Reality of Parenting
Now, for those who are eager to start a family, it’s vital to recognize that parenting might not always feel rewarding. I mean, what does “rewarding” even mean in this context? For me, it suggests that if you put in the effort and persevere through challenges, a sense of achievement will eventually follow. However, parenting often defies that expectation.
We all know about the struggles that come with caring for babies—exhaustion and sore nipples are just the tip of the iceberg. Society may offer sympathy to new parents, but that compassion fizzles out fast. Once your child reaches toddlerhood, the expectation is that you no longer use them as an excuse to vent.
Take, for instance, a dad I know who complains at our building’s meetings about construction dust while referring to his 2-year-old as a newborn. It’s as if he hasn’t grasped that once your kid turns two, you’re expected to stop whining and instead share a charming story about them—preferably one that’s both funny and self-deprecating.
The Pressure to Present Perfection
Imagine posting something real on social media, like this: “My son was a total nightmare today. He punched his sister 25 times and screamed at me on the subway for not letting him play on my phone. Then, just when things calmed down, he farted on me, and everyone stared.” It’s clear that many parents feel the pressure to present a perfect image, even when reality is far from it.
The truth is, raising a child comes with immense responsibility, and the weight of that can be overwhelming. I’m often left second-guessing my every move, worrying that my own insecurities are reflected in my kids’ actions. I genuinely strive to follow the experts’ advice, using techniques like the “1, 2, 3” method. So instead of yelling, “Stop pulling your brother’s pants down in public!” I calmly say, “If you want to keep your toy, keep your hands to yourself.”
Yet, even when I think I’m doing a great job, I find myself questioning if I’m truly setting them up for success or inadvertently causing harm. My daughter seems to grasp boundaries quickly, while my son appears to be immune to the method. I can’t predict how they’ll turn out. My stepmother parented her two children the same way, yet one faced serious legal troubles while the other thrived professionally. Tragically, she passed away unexpectedly, leaving me to wonder if she found parenting rewarding.
Emotional Turmoil and Moments of Joy
What I can say is that parenting has pushed me beyond my limits. It has broadened my capacity for love and compassion, but also for anger and fear. I’m now a living bundle of emotions, often at the brink of tears over the simplest things. Just after my daughter was born, I flew home from a work trip. The plane hit turbulent air, and all I could think was how much I had to lose now.
Parenting forces me to constantly reflect, asking myself if I’m doing my best. Often, I find that I could do better, which drives me to keep trying. And on those rare but precious days, I witness something beautiful. This past summer, I watched my son help other kids at the park, and my daughter stood up for him during a soccer game when he felt left out. Those moments tugged at my heartstrings, leaving me misty-eyed (I swear it was just the dust!).
Some might argue these instances embody what it means to be “rewarding.” Perhaps they do. Does this mean I’m wrong? I can’t say for certain; I’m still figuring it all out.
Exploring Family Planning Options
If you’re interested in exploring options for starting your family, be sure to check out Intracervical Insemination for insights. For those considering at-home methods, Cryobaby offers a comprehensive insemination kit that’s worth exploring. Additionally, Kindbody is an excellent resource for information on pregnancy and home insemination.
Conclusion
In summary, parenting is a complex journey filled with highs and lows, and while it may lead to moments of joy, it’s hard to label the entire experience as rewarding.