I Can Afford My Child’s College Tuition, But That Doesn’t Mean I Will

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Parenting

by Sarah Mitchell

Updated: Aug. 6, 2020

Originally Published: November 24, 2016

Recently, I had a conversation with some friends who are preparing to send their high school seniors off to college this fall. We discussed everything from the emotional impact of empty nest syndrome to the stress of selecting a major and the daunting costs involved. As I still have a few years before my oldest heads to college, these chats have been enlightening.

One friend shared that her teenager plans to start college as an undecided major. Honestly, I found that hard to believe. Reflecting on my own experience at 18, I can’t imagine telling my parents, “I’m not quite sure what I want to do; I’ll figure it out while living in my cozy dorm.” While I always aspired to be a nurse, which made my decision easier, I was also aware that my parents had two more kids to consider. I was determined to complete my degree on time because I recognized it wasn’t just about me.

Though I can’t quite grasp how much anxiety I’ll feel when we drop our son off at his dorm for the first time, I am well aware of the financial commitment required for his education. Our daughter will follow a few years later, meaning we could either buy a new Tesla every year for eight years or fund two college degrees. While the Teslas are tempting, being a responsible adult means prioritizing my kids’ education.

My husband and I started college savings accounts almost immediately after our children were born. We made a commitment early on to cover their higher education costs, inspired by the support our families provided us. Along with our monthly savings, we’ve invested every monetary gift our children have received since birth. Thankfully, our financial planning has resulted in their college funds growing quite nicely.

However, we have a strict condition: they need to have a clear plan for their future before I agree to pay their tuition. I refuse to fund four years of soul-searching through frat parties and weekend adventures. My husband and I have worked diligently over the past 13 years to save money, and I won’t let an indecisive teen squander it.

When I express these feelings to my friends, they chuckle and say I sound like the overly invested father in the film Some Kind of Wonderful, who meticulously plans his son’s business college route, much to his artistic son’s chagrin. The dad constantly pressures his son to pursue a degree he never had the chance to get, only to see the kid spend the college fund on diamond earrings and a date with the school’s most popular girl. In the end, the father wonders where he went wrong.

But I’m not that dad. I’m not imposing a specific career path on my kids, nor will I live vicariously through them. I simply want them to understand that while I have the means to support their education, I won’t allow them to waste that opportunity. I’m here to help them pursue their goals, but they must have a clear direction.

Many kids today are given the freedom to “find themselves” without facing higher expectations. It seems like a trend where parents have become less demanding, leading to a generation that feels entitled. My children are not entitled to my money any more than I am entitled to dictate their career choices. It’s essential for both parties to collaborate to ensure a purposeful education that will serve them well in the real world.

As the college years approach, we’ll have ongoing discussions about their aspirations, where they envision living, and what brings them joy. I plan to take them to college campuses and share stories from my own college experiences.

I’ll do my best to hold back tears when we unpack their belongings in their tiny, yet expensive, dorm rooms. And I assure you, my tears will stem from missing them, not from regretting the Tesla I can’t buy. Mostly.

This article was originally published on November 24, 2016.

Summary:

As a parent preparing for the cost of college, it’s essential to set clear expectations for your children. While it’s commendable to save for their education, ensuring they have direction and purpose is crucial before investing in their future. Open conversations about their goals and desires can help shape a meaningful educational experience.