Recently, I received a message from a woman I only know through social media. The subject line read, “I feel like a terrible mom.” Instantly worried, I opened the message.
In her email, she wrote about her struggles: “I adore my kids, but sometimes I just don’t enjoy being around them. I feel unhappy. My partner and I hardly connect anymore. I strive to teach my children right from wrong, and while they behave in public, at home they can be wild. They lack basic manners and often tell me, ‘You’re the worst mom ever.’ I’ve tried every strategy—positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, you name it—and nothing seems to work. I feel like I’ve failed my kids and that they deserve a better mom and my partner deserves a better wife. I’m terrified I’ve ruined their lives.“
Oh wow. Is that all?
If those feelings make you an unfit mom, then we are all unfit! Seriously, every single one of us! I can’t be the only mother who has shouted, “You would never treat your teacher like that! I’m your mom! I care for you! You can’t speak to me that way! You know better!“
During my time as a teacher, I had countless parent-teacher conferences where parents would respond to my praise for their child with comments like, “Well, you should see him at home!” or “Are we talking about the same kid?“
We all share the same hopes: we want our kids to grow into kind, responsible, and compassionate individuals. When they embody those qualities, parenting is more enjoyable, and we feel like we are fulfilling our role to the best of our abilities.
As parents, we take pride in our “creations.” Whether it’s a child or a project, we want to showcase our hard work. Kids eagerly show off their drawings, and we beam with pride when they achieve something significant. The biggest masterpiece, however, is our child. We nurtured them from the very beginning, and when they arrive, they seem perfect—innocent and flawless. But as we know, that’s just the beginning of a long journey.
Once our children are born, our role shifts to teaching and guiding them, which can be incredibly challenging and exhausting. Even if we try our best, we might not always be successful. The longer we struggle with ineffective approaches, the more challenging it can be to correct the course.
I often share joyful moments of my kids on social media—pictures of them cooking, reading, and cooperating. Why? Because it’s uplifting to see them embody the lessons we’ve worked so hard to instill, and it fills me with pride. It’s akin to a 3-year-old presenting their artistic masterpiece to their parent, beaming with joy and seeking validation.
However, those moments are often just a glimpse of our reality. Most days are filled with chaos and challenges. Sometimes, we find ourselves letting kids binge-watch TV or opting for quick snacks instead of nutritious meals. We know we should be more diligent—like brushing teeth or giving baths—but sometimes we just don’t have the energy. And trust me, many parents are in the same boat.
Not long ago, we were on vacation, staying in a crowded condo. As we attempted to leave for the beach, it felt like all hell broke loose. One child had sunscreen in her eyes, another couldn’t find his basketball, and yet another started a squabble that escalated into a physical fight. Amidst the chaos, the youngest got her finger caught in the door. It was absolute mayhem! I’m sure the neighbors were contemplating calling for help. It was not a moment for the ‘Gram, but it was a very real part of life.
My kids know the difference between right and wrong. They understand that hitting is not acceptable. There are days when they meet expectations, and during those times, I feel accomplished as a parent. But then come days filled with doubts, like that chaotic vacation day, when I question my abilities. The truth is, those challenging moments are far more frequent than I’d like to admit.
Kids will naturally test boundaries; it’s in their nature. Sometimes, all we can do is hang on and ride out those storms. After the chaos, we can take a moment to evaluate, reflect, and strategize. Eventually, the dust will settle, and you will find the strength and patience to try a new method. It might take a day or a year, but remember, your kids aren’t scarred for life, and you’re not an unfit mom.
Perfection isn’t the goal. It’s not about baking the perfect cookies or creating Pinterest-worthy projects. Sometimes, the goal is merely to keep everyone safe and sound. And that doesn’t make you an unfit mom; it simply makes you a normal one.
If you want more insights on related topics, check out this blog post on intracervicalinsemination.com. For those interested in enhancing fertility, consider visiting Make a Mom, which offers reliable information. Additionally, Medical News Today is an excellent resource for everything related to pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, remember that you’re not alone in your struggles. Parenting can be tough, and it’s essential to acknowledge that every mom has her ups and downs.