If you’ve ever encountered the wisdom of Stephen Covey, you might recall a memorable exchange in which he advises a man feeling disconnected from his wife:
“Show her your love.”
“But the spark just isn’t there anymore,” the man replies.
“Then act on it. If the feeling is lacking, that’s all the more reason to express love actively.”
“But how can I love without feeling it?”
“Remember, love is a verb. The feeling of love is a result of the actions you take. So, love her. Serve her. Make sacrifices. Listen intently. Show empathy. Recognize and affirm her. Are you ready to do that?”
Covey emphasizes the importance of taking initiative—actively pursuing what you desire instead of passively waiting for it to come to you. But what does this proactive love actually entail?
My partner, Jessica, and I first crossed paths in a quaint garden supply store back in 2003. She was the gardening expert, and I was the manager. Our budding romance was thrilling, fueled by the thrill of sneaking kisses in hidden corners of the store. I was captivated by her sparkling eyes, enchanting smile, and the way she carried herself. Our connection blossomed effortlessly.
Fast forward over a decade, and life has settled into routine. With three little ones, we often find ourselves sharing just 30 minutes of quality time on the couch, catching up on our favorite shows. Love can be challenging to define, especially when it looks like two people sitting side by side, each engrossed in their screens. It’s easy to feel distant in those moments, and that raises the question: if you can fall in love, is it possible to fall out of it?
However, love isn’t a passive journey. While you may have initially fallen for your partner, drifting away from those feelings requires inaction. Maintaining love is about keeping your hands on the wheel and steering it in the right direction.
True love is a continuous endeavor. It’s sending a flurry of “I love you” texts, making thoughtful phone calls, embracing warmly, sharing tender moments, scheduling date nights, and exchanging knowing smiles. Love means stepping in when your partner needs a break, finding compromises that work for both, and helping out with chores when they’re overwhelmed. It can look like doing laundry for your partner, managing finances when they struggle with budgeting, or supporting them while they pursue their education. Love is about sharing responsibilities, allowing each other time for personal growth, and cherishing the beauty in the sacrifices made for one another.
This idea aligns with thoughts shared by Sheryl Paul, a well-regarded author and counselor. She points out that many couples leave solid relationships because their experiences don’t match societal expectations. She suggests we shift from “you complete me” to “you inspire me to evolve into my best self.” It’s crucial to dismantle unrealistic fantasies and build a strong foundation for lasting love.
While Jessica and I may not always get everything perfect, I feel her love through her actions, and I trust she feels mine in return. Long-lasting love isn’t about euphoria; it’s practical, sacrificial, and intentional. It requires reaching deep within yourself, especially when frustrations arise. Sometimes, you may not feel the spark; you might be annoyed by how they load the dishwasher or find that their once-charming laugh has become grating. In those moments, it’s essential to make a conscious choice to love them despite their imperfections.
Love is an action, and so is marriage.
For more insights on nurturing love and relationships, check out this piece on home insemination. If you’re exploring options for starting a family, Make a Mom offers invaluable resources. You can also refer to MedlinePlus for excellent information on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, love requires continuous effort. It’s not just a feeling but a series of actions that foster connection and commitment. By embracing love as a verb, couples can navigate the ups and downs of marriage more effectively.