I had read plenty of arguments against compelling children to do their homework, alongside research suggesting that homework, particularly in elementary school, is often ineffective. Articles also criticized parents who go so far as to complete their children’s assignments, although I never found myself in that camp. Seriously, how could any parent manage that? I struggle with first-grade math myself!
Yet, I definitely found myself hovering. From the moment school ended until dinner, I would nag my son, trying to get him to sit down and tackle his homework. Dinner and dessert were put on hold until he was finished, as was his TV time. Despite allowing him some downtime after school, there came a point when I would insist he buckle down and get it done.
He typically completed his assignments in about 15 minutes, but the hours I spent pleading and nagging were wildly disproportionate to the actual effort he put into it. And I didn’t even believe in the value of homework to begin with!
So, when he entered fourth grade this school year, I made a significant shift in my approach. While I still checked in to see if he had homework or offered my assistance for any questions, I decided to let him take charge of his own tasks.
To my astonishment, the outcome has been remarkable. Initially, things were a bit chaotic. He would frequently remember his homework while settling into bed, prompting him to jump up and complete it, which disrupted our bedtime routine—something I cherish for my own peace and quiet! Sometimes he would wake up in the morning realizing he hadn’t finished, then blame me for not reminding him.
“It’s not my responsibility, buddy,” I would reply, attempting to remind him of how much he disliked my incessant nagging.
However, a few months into the school year, something wonderful began to unfold. He started doing his homework on his own initiative, without my prompting—most of the time, anyway. Sure, I still give him gentle reminders occasionally, and he does miss the mark sometimes, but generally, he handles it.
Even better, I’ve observed a noticeable increase in his motivation regarding schoolwork. He’s genuinely eager to excel in his assignments and projects. Just last weekend, he insisted we dedicate four hours to preparing for the school-wide spelling bee!
While my son naturally has a competitive spirit and enjoys school, I understand this approach may not resonate with every child. Nonetheless, fostering responsibility for his homework helps him learn academic discipline over time. After all, we won’t always be there to guide them through every academic challenge—or life circumstance, for that matter.
There’s a broader lesson here: hovering over our children can be stifling and ultimately unproductive. It’s tempting to intervene, especially academically, because we want our kids to succeed (and let’s be honest, their victories can boost our own pride).
However, allowing them to make mistakes and experience failure teaches them that the desire for success should stem from within, rather than to appease others. So, step back from being the homework enforcer. It may feel daunting at first—believe me, your child will stumble—but ultimately, placing the responsibility on them will save everyone a lot of stress and lead to greater success in the long run.
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Summary:
Shifting from a controlling to a more hands-off approach regarding my son’s homework has led to him taking responsibility for his schoolwork, resulting in increased motivation and independence. Though the transition was challenging at first, allowing him to manage his own tasks has ultimately fostered a sense of discipline that will benefit him in the long run.