Every holiday season, GOOP rolls out its gift guide, reminding us mere mortals that there are those who lavish money on the most bizarre items. This year’s guide did not disappoint! Amidst the extravagant offerings like an $8,000 yurt and a $3,000 leather bike, we stumbled upon a section intriguingly labeled The Lover Gift Guide — and it’s as odd as it sounds.
Let’s dive into the peculiar picks!
Fur Oil for Pubic Hair – $39
This product promises to soften and condition with grapeseed and jojoba oils and even features tea tree oil for its antimicrobial properties. The packaging’s bold declaration (FOR PUBIC HAIR) is almost as romantic as dousing your intimate areas with tea tree oil.
A-Cup Pillow – $295
This hand-knit throw pillow, shaped like a breast, is made from highland wool and filled with buckwheat hulls. But really, who has ever wished for a pillow that resembles a single unit of breast?
Bang Plate – $80
With the description simply stating, “Bang plates. Get it?” it’s safe to say not everyone is laughing at this one.
Seletti Toilet Paper Little Butt Table – $416.25
A table featuring a two of spades card lodged in a cartoonish backside seems to be a questionable gift choice for your beloved. At that price, it’s a real head-scratcher.
One Feather Earring – $350
This single earring, designed to brush against your neck, might look great paired with another piece. Unfortunately, this guide only provides you with one! Enjoy wearing it solo!
Membership to an Elite Sex Club – Price Unknown
Snctm offers an experience where members indulge in a grand playground of decadence and mystery. You might even find celebrities in attendance! Imagine gifting your partner an invitation to an orgy with strangers in masks.
Nightgown – $168
Described as an exquisite piece, this garment is said to flatter the body. However, with a design reminiscent of wedding reception decor, it might not be the most practical choice.
Sex Dust – $20
This edible concoction aims to ignite passion and excitement, especially when blended with nut milk. Because who wouldn’t want a dash of “sex” in their almond milk?
As we peruse this eclectic and often nonsensical assortment, it seems I have narrowed it down to either a bizarre night with masked strangers, tea tree oil discomfort, or an unflattering nightgown, all in the name of romance.
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In summary, GOOP’s Holiday Gift Guide for Lovers is filled with an array of whimsically unsexy gifts that will leave you scratching your head. Whether it’s a peculiar pillow or an elite membership for questionable encounters, this guide certainly captures the spirit of unconventional gifting.