It might surprise you, but yes, I’m judging you. That friendly person you see at gatherings? The one known as “the nice one” in various circles? The one who cracks self-deprecating jokes to make others feel comfortable? Yep, that’s me, and I’m judging you.
From your parenting choices to your dietary decisions for your kids, and even your views on vaccinations, I’m scrutinizing every aspect. Back in my school days, I likely judged you based on whether you preferred the monkey bars or stayed on the swings. As I moved into middle school, I became fixated on your hairstyle and outfit choices. By the time I hit my teenage years, your taste in music was also up for evaluation.
Judging is part of human nature, and I’d argue it’s something we all do. We make judgments daily, and it isn’t always negative. If you mention your love for travel, I’ll likely see you as a great resource for my next adventure. We routinely assess who might be a good friend or someone trustworthy to babysit our kids.
But let’s be honest, claiming you only make positive judgments is a bit naive. For every compliment on a lovely sweater, there’s an acknowledgment of the one that looks downright awful. So, let’s be real: if we cross paths, I will be judging you.
However, the key is that you’ll never know it. I’m judgmental, sure, but not a jerk about it. My assessments don’t equate to a belief that you’re a bad person. I recognize there’s more to you than just your parenting style or your love for chain restaurants. While your choice to spank your kids might influence whether I let you care for mine, it doesn’t define you entirely.
When I judge someone unfavorably, it simply reflects my internal belief that my opinion holds more weight than yours. This doesn’t make me a superior person, nor does it cloud my ability to appreciate the amazing qualities you possess. That’s why I keep my thoughts to myself.
If I were to tell you that chain eateries are meant for teenagers, do you think that would stop you from enjoying your favorite dish? Absolutely not! So what’s the point? Sharing harsh judgments crosses the line into shaming someone.
If I genuinely care about you and you’re a close friend, I might ask if you’ve thought about alternatives to feeding your kid Skittles for dinner every night. But if I’m just a stranger, I’ll remain silent while you let your little one indulge in candy before their third birthday. Your choices are your business, not mine.
Expressing judgments online can make you one of life’s more unpleasant characters, and mothers, known for their nurturing qualities, can often fall into this trap. The comment sections of parenting discussions are rife with shaming, whether it’s over breastfeeding choices or baby gear.
Has anyone ever changed their parenting style because an anonymous internet user called them a terrible mother for drinking coffee while pregnant? I’m sure many of you are judging me right now, and that’s okay. But if you think that telling me you feel sorry for my children because of my parenting choices will change anything, think again. You’re just highlighting how quick you are to judge someone based on limited information.
The internet is a powerful tool that keeps us connected and filled with information. Unfortunately, it often serves as a platform for unhappy individuals to assert their supposed superiority while tearing others down. If I took internet comments to heart, I might as well hand my kids over to Child Protective Services right now. Clearly, they’d be better off without a mother who only breastfed for two months and chose to vaccinate them. Also, I’m sure my kids would be better off if I never let them eat pasta with butter.
Let me tell you, you should definitely be judging me. Choose from countless things I do that could be scrutinized. I let my kids pick their own outfits, my 6-year-old only listens to about 20% of what I say, and yes, some might argue I enjoy my wine a little too much (but I might judge those people as boring). If you didn’t judge me, I’d be concerned! You might leave my house thinking I need a cleaning service, but I hope you also see that my husband and I are raising two incredibly happy and funny daughters. Maybe we even made you laugh a time or two.
Ultimately, I believe that the universe reflects back what we put out. So please, regardless of how critical your thoughts may be, do yourself and the world a favor: keep them to yourself.
For more insights on parenting and self-insemination, check out our other post here. You can also explore Make A Mom for expert advice on this topic and visit Parents.com for a fantastic resource on the IVF process and home insemination.
Summary
Judging others is a natural part of human behavior, and while it can be constructive, expressing negative judgments can lead to shaming. The author discusses personal experiences and emphasizes the importance of keeping judgment to oneself, especially in the context of parenting. By recognizing the complexities of individual choices, we can appreciate each other more fully.