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Embrace Your Inner Chaos: A Parenting Perspective
Instead of ‘Stay Calm and Move Forward,’ I suggest you embrace your inner chaos for a bit.
When it comes to parenting, I like to think of myself as a pretty relaxed individual. I don’t get caught up in trivial matters and let a lot of things slide. Like that time one of my kids decided to turn himself into a walking canvas with permanent markers just before we were set to go out for dinner. I just sighed and walked out the door.
Or that other time when my youngest thought it would be a great idea to use the backyard as his personal restroom, even though the bathroom was only 50 feet away. I let out a louder sigh, then handed him the responsibility for his own “poop patrol.”
And let’s not even start on the daily struggle of reminding every male in my house, including my husband, to put the toilet seat down. I might give an exaggerated sigh (and maybe slam the seat down), but I generally keep my cool.
That being said, there are moments when my calm demeanor gives way to frustration. My sighs can morph into growls, and my deep breaths sometimes feel more like hyperventilating. I admit it—I have a short temper at times.
To put it simply, I do lose my mind occasionally. Whether it’s the chaos of baseball cards scattered around the house, an unexpected puddle of pee on the toilet seat, or the kids bickering over a plastic sword, there are days when a simple deep breath won’t cut it.
Sometimes, the level of nonsense is so overwhelming that even a whole barrel of wine wouldn’t help. While deep breaths and calming teas can assist in diffusing tension, they feel inadequate during a full-blown storm of madness.
At those times, you might need to let out a hearty “Forget this!” and give your pillow a good punch. Maybe even stomp your feet and slam a door as you treat yourself to guilt-free retail therapy.
I firmly believe that occasionally losing your mind can be a necessary aspect of parenting. Sure, the ideal might be “stay calm and move forward,” but let’s be honest: for many of us, “lose it for a moment and then move on” feels much more achievable.
It’s important to clarify that “losing your mind” means emotionally venting, not resorting to violence or being emotionally abusive. It’s about recognizing your feelings, expressing them in a responsible way, and then moving on.
How to Responsibly Lose Your Mind
- Remove yourself from the presence of others, especially your children.
- Let it all out.
- Calm down and keep going.
When the chaos reaches its peak, sometimes locking yourself in the bathroom to unleash a string of expletives is just what you need. Calling your best friend to vent about your kids’ incessant bickering can also be therapeutic. You might even find yourself indulging in Cheetos dipped in ice cream while hiding from the world.
There are times when a calm plea to “put on your coat” just won’t do. You might have to grab your little one and dramatically whisper, “Get your coat on… or else,” even if you’re unsure what “or else” entails.
Most of the time, I can calm my nerves with a little Bob Ross or some nostalgic ’80s music in the kitchen. But there are those moments when I need to fully let go of the negativity to move forward.
If only they made an essential oil called “Forget This,” or if those deep breaths could be infused with something stronger, then perhaps the “woo-woo” would suffice. But until then, venting, swearing, and just letting loose can provide the release you need.
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In summary, it’s completely natural to feel overwhelmed as a parent. Allowing yourself a moment to vent can be a healthy release. Remember, it’s okay to lose it every now and then, as long as you find your way back.