Dec. 11, 2023
The notification popped up, vibrating on the passenger seat beside me. It had been one of those chaotic afternoons where I juggled a long workday, carpool logistics, and family obligations. As I navigated traffic to meet my in-laws for dinner, my mind buzzed with a million tasks: upcoming school events, holiday plans, and deadlines that felt like they were closing in on me.
As I rolled to a stop at a red light, I glanced at my phone to check the text. That’s when the reality hit me—I had really messed up. The message was from my son’s soccer coach, inquiring why he hadn’t shown up for a crucial game that was the finale of his season. If he missed it, he wouldn’t receive the trophy he’d eagerly anticipated. He’d worked hard and was so proud of his progress, sharing every little detail with me after practice.
The event was happening that very evening, and I was nowhere near ready to take him. It wasn’t because he didn’t care or didn’t fulfill his commitments; it was because I, his mother, had lost track of time and responsibilities.
At that moment, with my mother-in-law seated beside me, I broke down in tears, feeling like the worst mom ever. How could I overlook something so important for my child? When did my life spiral into such disarray that I couldn’t manage the basics? As my tears fell silently, I pulled into the restaurant parking lot. My father-in-law ushered the kids inside while my mother-in-law sat with me, allowing me to release my frustrations about balancing motherhood and everything else.
When I finally calmed down, she said softly, “Remember, you’re not defined by your mistakes.” I took the tissue she offered and pondered her words. It made me reflect on the immense effort we put into ensuring our children have everything they need. We fill our schedules with meetings, errands, and crafting the perfect lunch. We remember what they like and dislike, and we learn to decode their homework challenges. We’re there for every scraped knee and squabble, hoping to raise kind, responsible kids.
It’s only natural that we occasionally drop the ball. Critics might say that moms take on too much or need to share the load more. They might dismiss our concerns with comments like, “It’s just a mistake. Let it go.” However, letting go is easier said than done. We feel the weight of our responsibilities intensely, and when we slip up, the guilt weighs heavily on our hearts. Instead of acknowledging the many tasks we manage well, we fixate on the one we dropped.
I know I’m not perfect, and I recognize that this won’t be the last time I stumble and let my kids down. Perhaps that’s okay. Maybe it teaches my children that I’m human too, not the flawless superhero I sometimes pretend to be.
As I sat in the parking lot, another text came through. The coach informed me they were waiting a bit longer if I could still make it. My mother-in-law quickly went inside to fetch my son, and we rushed to the game. When he ran into the field with a grin, I realized he wouldn’t remember my earlier mistake. He didn’t hold it against me and was just excited to participate.
That small win allowed me to cut myself some slack, if only for that moment. Because I am not my mistakes. Not entirely.
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Summary
Navigating the challenges of parenting can be overwhelming, leading to moments where mistakes are inevitable. However, acknowledging that we are not defined by our errors, especially when they affect our children, can help ease the burden of guilt. Remembering our humanity and the love we pour into our families can bring a sense of relief, even amidst chaos.