Our family once lived in a spacious house in a nice neighborhood just outside of Chicago. Like many American families, we had a modern refrigerator with a water dispenser that filtered our drinking water.
One afternoon, while filling a glass, I found myself grumbling, “Ugh, this takes forever to fill!” Almost immediately, I felt a wave of embarrassment wash over me. Was I really complaining about the seemingly endless supply of clean, cool water that flows at the push of a button?
I was horrified. I’ve always taught my kids to appreciate the essentials like food and water. I’ve educated them about how millions of people around the world lack access to safe drinking water, let alone the luxury of filtered water on demand.
And yet here I was, whining about the speed of my refrigerator’s water dispenser.
Those of us in privileged countries sometimes fail to recognize how trivial our complaints can sound. I caught myself this time, but I know I’ve grumbled about other minor inconveniences before. My kids are certainly not immune to this either, and my husband and I share some responsibility. We strive to set a good example, but we all slip up occasionally.
Our children are growing up in a comfortable middle-class American environment. We have a stocked pantry, a dependable car, the means to repair our heating system, and more gadgets than we really need. While we’re not wealthy by American standards—often shopping at thrift stores and watching our expenses—we are undeniably well-off compared to global standards. We have no reason to complain.
So when my kids whine about someone getting more screen time, or because we ran out of their favorite cereal, or because they have to walk longer than they’d like, I find it challenging not to lose my patience. I never imagined I would resort to the classic “Don’t you know there are children starving in the world?” lectures, but here we are. Because there are indeed kids facing unimaginable hardships. There are children being trafficked, kids living in conflict zones, and others struggling just to survive. It’s tough to hear my children complain about not watching a movie when there are kids who would give anything to have their lives.
When that happens, I address it directly. I explain that those of us fortunate enough to live in a place where clean drinking water is always available have no right to complain when things don’t meet our expectations. I candidly tell them that I refuse to entertain any first-world whining.
We have frequent discussions about the importance of gratitude and generosity, and I remind them that even their father and I sometimes fall into the trap of complaining. We encourage them to hold us accountable too. In our family, we’re all in this together, supporting one another in recognizing our privileges.
Awareness makes a difference. Since that day I caught myself grumbling about the water, I’ve never complained about it again. Those of us in developed nations need reminders of our privileges, and it’s essential for our kids to understand how fortunate they are.
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In summary, it’s essential to foster gratitude and awareness in our children about their privileges and the reality that others face. By holding each other accountable, we can create a more compassionate family environment.