By: Sarah Thompson
Dec. 15, 2023
My cherished dolls, Lily, Max, and Sophie, are currently nestled in a box in my closet. Before you jump to conclusions, let me clarify: these three represent just a fraction of my extensive doll collection, which I began building at the tender age of 4 when I received my first Cabbage Patch doll. I genuinely believed I was their mom.
So why are these beloved dolls stashed away? Well, the answer lies with my real-life kids. I have a 5-year-old son who made a goofy face the first time he met Lily, and a 2-year-old who would be thrilled to dismantle Sophie and toss her in the washing machine.
I cared for my dolls with great enthusiasm, eagerly waiting for the day my own daughter would play with them. My mom even promised to buy me a beautiful trunk to safeguard them until I had a little girl of my own.
Having grown up with a sister and being very close to my mom, I always envisioned myself as a mother of daughters. My teenage dreams were filled with images of a “mini-me” playing with my dolls and belting out musical tunes, which was another childhood passion of mine.
Don’t misunderstand me—my boys mean the world to me, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything. However, when I discovered my second child would also be a boy, I had to completely reassess my expectations of motherhood. I realized I would never have a daughter who resembled me. I had hoped my sons might enjoy my dolls, supporting the idea of boys playing with traditionally female toys, but they have shown no interest. Instead, my son took one look at Lily and gave her a hilarious raspberry.
As a clinical psychologist, I often discuss the need for mothers to adjust their expectations. I specialize in cognitive-behavioral therapy for anxiety, and I frequently hear stories from moms who grapple with the realization that their children aren’t quite what they imagined. For every mom who sees her child as a little version of herself, there are countless others asking, “Where did this kid come from?”
Mothers also have preconceived notions about what motherhood will entail. Many anticipate a blissful experience filled with cuddles and cozy moments. However, both my clients and I have learned that motherhood often defies those sunny expectations. Perhaps you thought you’d want to work full-time, only to find yourself yearning to stay at home, or maybe you assumed your partner would be more involved than they actually are. The transition from wanting a large family to realizing the challenges of parenting can also lead to a shift in desires.
I encourage my clients to let go of idealized visions of motherhood and embrace the reality of their situations—be it the unique personalities of their children, their work-life balance, or the dynamics of their relationships. You can’t effectively nurture your child—or yourself—if you’re trapped in an unrealistic idea of motherhood.
As for me, I’ve traded my extensive knowledge of the American Girl catalog for a deep understanding of the Bruder truck catalog. I can identify a front loader from afar and can name nearly every character from Sodor. I’ve adapted! Lily, Max, and Sophie remain in their boxes, only making appearances when fellow doll lovers visit.
It’s worth mentioning that my eldest son knows almost every line from the Broadway musical Hamilton and runs around singing it. He may be a boy, but there’s clearly a little bit of me in there as well.
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In summary, motherhood can surprise you in the most unexpected ways. Adjusting your expectations to align with reality can help you embrace the unique journey of parenthood, and finding joy in your children, no matter their gender or interests, is what truly matters.