Let’s face it: kids are pretty gross. Scratch that—they’re like tiny germ factories that can transfer their icky secretions all over the house in record time. Whether it’s sticking fingers up noses or skipping handwashing after bathroom breaks, the laundry list of unsanitary habits is endless. They’re constantly wiping runny noses on sleeves, picking at scabs, and biting nails down to the quick. And don’t even get me started on the daily battle of getting them to take a bath or brush their teeth properly.
Now, when they get sick, the gross factor skyrockets. Imagine 2 a.m. bathroom scenes where they’re heaving up their dinner, or the dreaded phlegm-filled coughs that seem to land right on your shirt. Not to mention those explosive bouts of diarrhea that make any parent question their life choices. When my kids catch something, my first instinct is to bathe in hand sanitizer while equipping the house with hazmat-level cleaning supplies. And the dread of keeping them home from school until they’re fever-free for 24 hours? That’s a whole other level of panic.
While all of this is unsettling, some childhood illnesses truly stand out as particularly revolting. Just the mention of certain ailments sends parents into a frenzy, debating whether to set their homes ablaze and start fresh. Say “lice,” and watch as parents sprint away, scratching their scalps in horror. But lice isn’t the only gross illness kids can bring home. So, grab that hand sanitizer and brace yourself for this list of icky childhood illnesses:
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Molluscum Contagiosum
When you hear the word “contagious” attached to a kid’s virus, your heart sinks. But don’t panic—molluscum is more annoying than harmful. This common skin virus manifests as small, pink or flesh-colored bumps and is usually harmless. Just be prepared for a potential trip to the dermatologist. -
Roseola
Most kids will encounter roseola before entering kindergarten, marked by a lingering fever followed by a spotty rash. While this illness is harmless, the fact that it’s caused by a strain of the herpes virus can make parents uneasy. Your kid may be cranky during the fever, but a big glass of wine will help you cope. -
Fifth Disease
This one always sends chills down my spine, even though it’s harmless. Kids with Fifth disease may display a classic “slapped cheek” rash, along with an itchy second rash on their bodies. The tricky part is that it’s contagious before the rash shows up, making it impossible to keep away from your home. -
Ringworm
Just saying the word “ringworm” makes me want to toss my wardrobe out the window. Thankfully, it’s not caused by an actual worm but rather a fungus. It’s easily treatable with antifungals from your doctor. If your child participates in sports, you might recognize those red, scaly patches that signal ringworm. -
Conjunctivitis (Pink Eye)
This unpleasant eye infection can be caused by a virus, bacteria, or allergens. While it’s generally harmless, the gooey discharge is something I’d rather avoid. Once pink eye starts circulating at school, I’m on high alert, urging my kids to wash their hands obsessively. If symptoms arise, it’s best to consult a doctor for appropriate treatment. -
Impetigo
On the grossness scale, impetigo ranks high due to its unsightly sores. Often caused by strep or staph bacteria, it’s highly contagious and usually seen in kids aged 2 to 5. The sores can be quite weepy, requiring antibiotic treatment to clear up.
Before I became a parent, I rarely got sick and hardly ever visited a doctor. Now, I’m practically on a first-name basis with my family practice. My home has become a fortress of hand sanitizer and bleach, and while I’ve spent countless hours cleaning up after sick kids, I find solace in knowing that I can pour myself a glass of wine to unwind. After all, alcohol kills germs, right?
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In summary, childhood illnesses can be gross, but knowing what to expect can make it a bit easier to navigate. From molluscum contagiosum to impetigo, understanding these ailments can help you feel more prepared and less overwhelmed as a parent.