“I can’t. I have a baby.” These words, or some variation of them, escape my lips daily.
- “Coffee catch-up?”
“Oh, the baby’s napping!” - “Dinner plans?”
“Sorry, I’m on bedtime duty.” - “Intimacy?”
“Seriously? You must be joking!” - “Self-care time?”
“Ha! When would I even fit that in?”
The reality is that I could wake the baby, have my partner put her to sleep, and allow myself to unwind. Yet, for various reasons—some valid and others less so—I often opt not to. Every choice we make is significant.
One evening, while tidying up and lamenting how much I missed my yoga sessions, my partner bluntly said, “You could still practice. You just choose not to.” I was taken aback, filled with frustration. He was correct.
I could have a home yoga session, take my baby to Mommy and Me yoga, or even attend a night class. But the effort required often feels overwhelming, leading me to take the easy route and complain instead. My days are packed, and after a long day, lounging on the couch with a glass of wine and watching “This Is Us” feels much more appealing.
Ultimately, it’s all about setting priorities.
Not long after that conversation with my partner, I spoke to a fellow mom, Sarah, who had recently returned to work. She mentioned how she was fitting workouts into her lunch break. I felt a pang of jealousy. “I would love to exercise,” I sighed, “but I don’t have anyone to watch the baby.”
She looked at me incredulously. “But you have trails nearby! You can go hiking.”
I used to go hiking daily, but I explained that my baby was too heavy to carry in her carrier, our hiking stroller was a beast to maneuver, and getting the baby ready for the outdoors required planning around her feeding and napping schedule. As I heard my excuses pour out, I realized she was right.
The next day, I went hiking. It took much more effort than it used to before motherhood. What once took a few minutes now consumed most of my morning. But it felt amazing! As I integrated this into my routine, I became more efficient. Motherhood presents challenges, but it doesn’t make things impossible.
It’s easy to fall into a rut, though.
When my in-laws visited, they encouraged my partner and me to enjoy a date night. We hadn’t been out since our baby’s arrival, as we felt uneasy about leaving her with a sitter. However, I was comfortable leaving her with my in-laws. That evening, after a day of motherhood, I felt exhausted and didn’t want to shower or dress up. I told my partner I’d rather stay in, but he insisted, “We need to do this.”
Darn it, he was right again. We had been neglecting our relationship. “Fine,” I said, “but I’m not dressing up.” Spoiler alert: I totally dressed up! We explored a local record shop, enjoyed sushi, and discussed everything from parenting to the oddity of being out at night without our baby. We were back home by 8:15 PM.
The next day, I felt rejuvenated, more like my capable self rather than just a tired mom. Each time I summon the courage to step outside the realm of motherhood and embrace what makes me feel like me—even if it means leaving the comfort of my couch—I feel whole again.
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In summary, while motherhood undoubtedly complicates life, it doesn’t render it impossible. With a shift in perspective and an emphasis on priorities, we can reclaim parts of ourselves that often feel lost in the hustle of parenting.