As I sit down to share my thoughts, I find myself contemplating how to start this narrative. I wish to share endearing tales about my son, tender moments with my partner, and bring you a bit of joy to brighten your day. I want to help you reconnect with those smiles that might be missing from your life. But before I dive into those heartwarming stories, there’s something crucial I must address: I cannot grant you the gift of forgiveness this year.
My journey has been shaped by struggle and determination. Growing up in a low-income household, my family relied on food stamps as we navigated life in the picturesque foothills of the Catskill Mountains. At 17, as a freshman at a private Catholic university, I came out as a gay man. I faced the harsh reality of a hate crime, but instead of succumbing to victimhood, I chose to advocate for change. I took a stand against an injustice that our university was hesitant to address, even going so far as to sue for the right to start a gay-straight alliance. I recognized that community is vital, and I wanted to create a space for those who often felt marginalized. I traveled across the country to emphasize the importance of standing firm for one’s beliefs and not letting hatred dictate our lives. I’ve committed to a life filled with gratitude, respect, and unyielding hard work.
Then, I met Alex, the man who would become my husband. Our shared values fueled our fight for an open and inclusive life, allowing others to find common ground in our relationship. We invested time and energy in coming out to family members who struggled to understand us, a process that can be utterly exhausting and is ongoing.
After marrying in New York, we faced a year where our marriage went unrecognized in our home state of New Jersey. Today, in a world where marriage equality is upheld nationally, we still refrain from holding hands or kissing in public. Despite our accomplishments, there are still those who refuse to accept us, those who may seek to harm us.
We have worked tirelessly to build a family, approaching each challenge with resilience and determination, knowing we were destined to become parents. Then came the day our son, Leo, was born. When the doctors handed him to me for the first time, in those precious moments after his birth, I understood that this little boy would have two fathers who would fiercely advocate for him, fighting with a strength born from our own struggles.
For our family, the Obama administration made a significant positive impact. President Obama was the first sitting president to openly support our rights in marriage, employment, and parenting. With the constitutional recognition of marriage equality, our son has access to health insurance, and my husband and I retain legal rights across state lines, enjoying the same protections as any other family.
I recognized that President Obama’s perspective on equality was influenced by his own experiences with discrimination. He seeks to leave a legacy of a better world for future generations, and we stand alongside him.
The 2016 election carried heavy implications for families like ours. It was a chance to uphold President Obama’s legacy of safeguarding rights for women, children, and minorities. The Republican platform, however, aimed to strip away essential civil rights from families like ours, advocating for “natural marriage” and supporting business owners who wish to deny service to families like mine under the guise of religious freedom.
In light of this, we reached out to those who had shown us love and support. These individuals are close to our hearts, and we trust them. Like any family, we need assistance because sometimes, even two grown men can feel overwhelmed and just want to retreat until morning.
However, I was astonished to discover that many who pledged their support for our family were planning to vote for the Republican Party and its candidate, Donald Trump. Despite our attempts to educate them about the implications of their political choices, they remained unmoved. They may not identify as racist, sexist, or homophobic, yet they chose to support a candidate who embodies all those traits.
Opportunities to protect families like mine are rare. We often lack chances to reassure young LGBTQ+ individuals that they are perfect as they are, that life is worth enduring. Elections present us with an opportunity to ensure their rights to exist and thrive.
You made your choice in the election, and it was a choice that jeopardizes my marriage and denies families like mine the protections you enjoy. You chose a party that seeks to allow our family to be turned away from restaurants while yours is welcomed. We cannot return to the days before this decision.
This election was not “just another election.” It’s not simply a matter of sour grapes. This administration poses a direct threat to my family’s right to exist. Almost every Trump appointee has a history of supporting anti-LGBTQ+ legislation. Vice President Mike Pence opposes LGBTQ+ rights at every turn. Attorney General nominee Jeff Sessions has voted against same-sex couples’ access to Social Security and supports discrimination against LGBTQ+ individuals in the workplace. The list continues.
So, here’s the reality: it’s not my job to soothe your conscience about your vote against my family. I wake up early to care for my son, and after a long day at work, I don’t have the luxury of comforting you about the choices you made.
Everything. Is. Not. Okay. Throughout my journey, I’ve been inspired by courageous women and advocates who have stood up for themselves and others in the face of adversity. Their voices call me to be a better person for my husband and son. And now, when I’m asked to forgive and forget the betrayals from those I once trusted, I think of the Dixie Chicks and their powerful words: I’m not ready to make nice.
In conclusion, while I cherish the good moments in my life, I cannot overlook the harsh realities that our family faces. I hope you understand the gravity of these issues as we navigate this challenging landscape together. If you’re interested in more about home insemination and family growth, you can check out this article on intracervical insemination and this resource on fertility treatments. For more information on fertility journeys, visit Make a Mom.