The Challenges of Tree of Life Brelfies

self insemination kit

This past weekend, my social media feeds were flooded with a heartwarming trend: Tree of Life “brelfies,” or breastfeeding selfies, that mothers across the globe enthusiastically shared, courtesy of the nifty app PicsArt. (By the way, how did I not discover this app sooner?) The photos were stunning: mothers nurturing their children, with a “tree of life” motif symbolizing the nourishing essence of breast milk.

These images emerged to help normalize breastfeeding, a message that holds significant power. Women should never feel ashamed for breastfeeding in public, nor should they be pressured to cover up or deemed inappropriate. After all, they are simply feeding their little ones. Yet, while I appreciated the beauty of these shared moments, I also felt a pang of sadness.

I was never able to breastfeed, despite my deep desire to do so. Before my first child arrived, I had every intention of breastfeeding. I had heard the warnings about the challenges, but I was confident I could manage. However, once my son was born, reality set in. We consulted a lactation specialist in the hospital and again shortly after we brought him home. By the time he was six days old, I sensed something was off.

I didn’t experience the engorgement I had expected. I knew I had milk, but it felt inadequate. At a La Leche League meeting, when I expressed concern about my son’s constant hunger, I was advised to relax. “Should I supplement with formula?” I asked, to which the response was a firm “No!” Formula was almost whispered about, as if it were a forbidden substance.

Returning to the pediatrician, I was reassured. “He’s gaining weight, but slowly. Don’t give up.” I tried pumping, only to yield a disappointing result after an hour. I kept hearing “Don’t give up!” so I pushed on. I increased my water intake, baked lactation cookies, and turned to fenugreek. Yet, when my baby reached a month old, his well visit revealed he had lost nearly two pounds since birth. We rushed to the hospital, but rather than addressing my breastfeeding struggles, the focus shifted to potential issues with my baby.

Well-meaning friends suggested myriad tests, convinced it couldn’t be my milk supply. I finally decided to call my partner, Laura, instructing her to grab some formula and bottles on her way to the hospital. “We’re giving it to him,” I insisted. “He’s hungry.” Miraculously, my baby began to gain weight, and we left the hospital two days later with doctors acknowledging what I had known all along: he needed food, and it had to come from formula.

With my second child, I was determined to make breastfeeding work. I tried again, hoping for a different outcome. But when my baby didn’t gain weight at his two-week check-up, I immediately offered a bottle—no trips to the hospital this time.

Not being able to breastfeed caused me a lot of emotional stress and guilt for quite some time. As I scrolled through those lovely images on social media, reading the comments from other moms praising the beauty of breastfeeding, I felt a familiar ache. I adore my children just as much as they love theirs. I want the best for them too. I recognize that my perspective on breastfeeding has been misinterpreted as criticism, especially with my belief that “fed is best.” I want other mothers in similar situations to understand what I learned the hard way.

If you can breastfeed and choose to do so, that’s fantastic, and you deserve all the support. However, not every mother has that ability. I didn’t, for reasons I still cannot fully explain. I nearly let my child suffer because I was swayed by the notion that “breast is best” rather than trusting my instincts.

Mothers should never face shame for breastfeeding, but we also shouldn’t be criticized if we cannot. There is already so much judgment in the world; condemning a mother for how she feeds her child—be it breastfeeding, formula, or anything else—is simply unfair.

So here’s my own Tree of Life selfie, accompanied by a gentle reminder that all mothers love their children deeply. As long as our babies are happy, healthy, and thriving, that’s what truly matters. For more insights on this topic, you can check out this blog post about home insemination, which covers a range of relevant issues. Additionally, those interested in fertility resources should visit this excellent site on genetics and IVF.

In summary, while breastfeeding is a beautiful journey for many, it’s not the only path to nurturing our children. Every mother’s experience is unique, and we should support one another, regardless of how we choose to feed our little ones.