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Family: A Concept with Many Faces
As I navigate the long stretch of Highway 12 in southwestern Michigan, my son is absorbed in a book about superheroes in the back seat. This road feels familiar, almost second nature, as I’ve been traveling it since I was sixteen. I hit the “seek” button on the radio, landing on a Sunday morning talk show. Two hosts are deep in conversation about what family means, and it quickly becomes clear they are discussing marriage equality.
“We need to make the family unit more appealing,” one of the men asserts. “After all, families are essential for procreation. It’s vital for the survival of our species.”
“Exactly,” his co-host agrees. “It’s crucial that we showcase the ideal family to the nation—a traditional marriage.”
The first host continues, “And let’s not forget about siblings. My siblings greatly influenced my life, and every child needs siblings.”
Feeling uneasy, I switch the station. Their words linger in my mind and prompt me to reflect on what constitutes an ideal family. Their portrayal seems limited to a mother, a father, and multiple children. Glancing back at my son, I’m relieved he didn’t catch that snippet; I don’t want outside opinions shaping his understanding of family.
I recall my friend, Sarah, who I’m on my way to visit. She has a husband and eight energetic children. Mother, father, siblings—checked. Yet, some people claim she has too many kids or criticize her choice to homeschool. Despite this, her children are some of the most loving and intelligent I know. For many, her family doesn’t fit the ideal mold—it’s too large, too homeschooled, and too Catholic.
Then there’s Jenna, a friend who has been engaged but never married. She yearned to be a mother and decided to adopt a baby girl. The joy radiating from her in photos with her daughter is unparalleled. Jenna, who is white, has an interracial family, which some might not view as the ideal family either.
Next, I think of Lisa, who identifies as gay. Together with her long-term partner, they are raising twins in a nurturing, educated home. Two mothers? Yes. Siblings? Yes. Yet, some insist their family isn’t ideal because they aren’t straight. These wonderful women receive harsh judgments, labeled as offensive or disgraceful.
And then there’s me. After a difficult marriage, I remarried at 34 and finally had the child I always wanted at 38. We decided one pregnancy was enough, given the complications I faced. So, we have a mother, a father—checked. Siblings? None. Divorce? A blemish on our record. So, where do we fit in the “ideal family” narrative?
The discourse from those two radio hosts is everywhere, perpetuating the idea that anything deviating from their definition of ideal isn’t good enough. It’s a quiet yet pervasive influence, making people question: “Maybe they’re right?” This can lead to a troubling tendency to invalidate families that don’t conform to traditional norms.
Even the notion of a traditional family is outdated. In the 1950s, the archetype was a working father and a stay-at-home mother, with TV shows like “Leave It to Beaver” reinforcing this image. Today, fathers may stay home, mothers might work, and families can take on many blended forms. I firmly believe there is no single blueprint for an ideal person or family. The very concept of an “ideal family” is a myth.
Family can be both inherited and chosen. It embodies fellowship, shared values, and friendship. There isn’t just one definition of family. Merriam-Webster describes “ideal” as being “exactly right for a particular purpose, situation, or person.” Therefore, ideal can take on many meanings. For me, my ideal is my little family of three. Most importantly, the concept of ideal is fluid, shaped by the moment and personal experiences.
In essence, an ideal family is built on love, respect, and happiness. It is not defined by appearance or a specific formula. Just as our country is rich in diverse religions, colors, and traditions, so too is our understanding of family.
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In summary, family is a multifaceted concept that transcends traditional definitions. Whether through birth or choice, the essence of family lies in love, support, and shared experiences.