I’ve been married for nearly eight years and have two wonderful kids, so it’s safe to say that I appreciate intimacy. I enjoy those quick moments of passion before the kids wake up and my spouse heads off to work, as well as the longer, more leisurely encounters when they’re away at their grandparents’ house. Intimacy is beneficial for our relationship, relieving stress and enhancing our bond. But it’s not the sole form of affection we can share.
Even in a long-term relationship, there are times when I simply want to share a kiss—no strings attached. Not every kiss should be viewed as a prelude to something more. There are instances when I see my partner, Jake, playing with our children, and I’m struck by how lucky we all are to have each other. I wander over and give him a kiss of appreciation. It’s that uncomplicated, and it doesn’t mean I owe him anything later. A kiss can be just that—a kiss.
There’s something delightful about what some call “non-goal-oriented touching.” It’s refreshing to kiss just for the sake of kissing or to cuddle without any expectations. These moments of physical affection fill me with warmth in a way that sex doesn’t always achieve. While intimacy often brings us closer, there are days when I’m not in the mood for full exposure but still desire that little spark of connection.
I believe that both intimate moments and simple kisses are essential in a relationship. A kiss can convey a multitude of feelings—from “I’m sorry” to “I missed you” to “You look amazing in that outfit.” It leaves us wanting more, and we all know that absence makes the heart grow fonder.
A gentle touch can communicate love and security. A long hug can show someone they are cherished. When couples flirt and share playful kisses in the kitchen while cooking—much to the eye-rolling of their teenagers who tell them to “get a room”—they model what it looks like to remain deeply in love years after saying “I do.”
If you’re someone who wishes to share a kiss with your partner without the pressure of it leading to sex, I encourage you to discuss it. It might feel a bit awkward to say, “Hey, can I kiss you without it having to escalate?” but I had that conversation with Jake, and it has made a world of difference. We now understand that sometimes a moment can begin and end with just a kiss, and that affection doesn’t always carry the obligation for intercourse.
And if you’re on the other side of this conversation, know that your intimacy will likely flourish when your partner feels that deeper emotional connection. Believe me.
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Summary
In relationships, sharing simple acts of affection, like a kiss, can strengthen emotional bonds without the pressure of leading to sex. It’s essential to communicate this desire for “non-goal-oriented touching” to enhance intimacy.